


Paper Doll

by AliceEdwins



Series: The Emily/Reese Multiverse [1]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe, Discussion of Abortion, Forced Marriage, Forced Orgasms, Forced Pregnancy, Master/Slave, Nuka World, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-11-14 04:38:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 31,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11200602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceEdwins/pseuds/AliceEdwins
Summary: An evil Sole Survivor takes a fancy to a Nuka World slave.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trying this again
> 
> I'm fucking with the lay out of the Fizztop Grille because I didn't like it in game and this my story. I do what I want.

Emily learned to act like a boy quickly after her mom died. She hadn't much choice, since it was the safest way to travel with her dad's caravan. She didn't talk much, no point in talking when your mom can't hear you. When she and Dad were alone, he'd treat her like a girl but otherwise he never referred to by name. He never outright lied, mind. The Bible forbid it, after all. He just avoided the topic of his only child's gender. Other people who traveled with them often casually her son or boy. She was a late bloomer, a small blessing, figureless, and keeping her hair short and under a cap came as naturally to her as caravan work. They were careful not to travel when she bled.

Her life changed forever when they made a stop in Nuka Town. The settlement was one of her favorites, an old amusement park. Lots to look at, people to watch, things to muse about. Dad called her his dizzy dreamer. Pre-War life fascinated her, even though she couldn't ask anyone who might know about it. Her voice was too girly, and it was better assumed she was a little stupid. Most people knew her as Reese's Boy. Hazards of looking twelve instead of nineteen.

Normally, she'd spend her time exploring the settlement but there were whispers of raiders making plans. Dad ordered her stay close in the system of signs they used her entire life. He had one hand on his pistol and the tension in the air made her feel like she'd drank too much Nuka Cola.

It happened fast. The raiders were heavily organized and large in number, led by a man in power armor and a scary man in a eye patch. People and and Brahmin were dropping like sacks of razorgrain flour. Dad screamed "Run, son!", dying with a lie on his lips in attempt to save her.

It was a woman named Mackenzie that saved her. She knew the doctor from another settlement on their trade route; she explained Emily's monthly bleeding. The only person left alive that knew she was a girl lied to the raider in the power armor and his eye-patch wearing second. She begged for her life despite the shock collar around her neck.

"Reese is just a boy. I'll take care of him, and he won't be any trouble."

Being Reese was actually pretty easy. The chest binding hurt on long days but otherwise no one bothered her, not even the roughest of the raiders. She helped Mackenzie mostly. Medicine wasn't what she wanted for her life but it was no different than following her dad's orders. She never talked, couldn't even remember what her last words were or when she spoke them. She came to consider herself Reese, Mackenzie's shy charge, the one everyone ignored. She even got used to the weight of the slave collar.

Everything was as good as could be expected until they got a new Overboss.

Mackenzie made the mistake of asking him to kill the leaders of the groups. Reese couldn't blame her for trying. He didn't look like a raider. His dark hair looked meticulous, his face clean-shaven, his body a healthy muscular type of lean. Even his voice sounded nice. The only thing off about him was his eyes. His eyes were brown and cold.

He caught her staring. "Who are you?"

"This is Reese, my nephew. He can't talk. Watched his parents die, poor boy."

Reese caught the exact moment the Overboss saw through the lie. His cold eyes briefly flashed hot. Fear bubbled in her chest and she fought the urge to cry. He looked back at Mackenzie and spoke evenly. "Think very carefully about how you answer my next question, woman."

Reese closed her eyes for a second, praying. Running would only cause more problems, for both of them and probably the other slaves too.

"I know a young woman when I see one. How long did you expect that lie to hold up?"

Reese gulped and Mackenzie's eyes looked shiny. "Please don't hurt her," Mackenzie whispered.

His cold eyes turned on Reese. She turned slightly, ready to make a run for it. Her chest hurt, her eyes burned, and her world narrowed to just the Overboss' face and her only escape route.

"You have two options, Reese." He offered his hand. "Either come with me to the Fizztop willingly or I carry you."

Reese gave MacKenzie a sad smile and then did something she knew was stupid. She shoved the new Overboss and ran as fast as she could. Unfortunately, he must not have fallen because his hand grabbed her waist within seconds. She screamed.

It didn't sound like her. It was loud, wordless, and animalistic. Fear overwhelmed her, turned into something she didn't recognize. She tried to kick him, hit him, bite him, anything to make him put her down. He set her down once they were in the elevator and forced her to look at him. "Calm down, baby girl. You're only making this harder on yourself, and me."

Her ribs burned. She wanted to spit on him but the bindings were making it harder and harder to breathe or focus on anything besides the pain. He pulled out a knife and cut through both the shirt and the bindings. Her lungs relaxed in relief but her brain screamed.

He carried her into the apartment and set her firmly in a chair. "Cough."

 _What?_ Confusion replaced some of the fear. She looked over at the bed, then back at him.

He chuckled. The noise made her sick. "Oh, yes, I'm going to rape you, I have to. You understand that. Good girl. But I can't right now. You're hurt and I'm not a cruel man. You need a Stimpack for your ribs and some time to calm down." His hands, so cold she jumped, started gently probing her ribs. "I need to see if the long term compression damaged your lungs. You're useless to me if you're sick. _Cough_."

She shook her head.

"Stay." He grabbed the medical kit off the wall and pulled up another chair. She wanted to run for the elevator but she couldn't get enough air. The world closed down to just him and her, blurry from tears. Nothing about this was right.

He injected a Stimpack just below the worst of the bruising and then used a rag to wipe her tears. She flinched away from his too gentle touch.

"You're one of those girls who need a man to look after them, give them purpose. I saw it as soon as I looked at you. Better me than some raider. You'll thank me once you settle into the routine. What's your real name?" He leaned back in his chair, as if a one sided conversation with a topless girl was a perfectly normal occurrence. Maybe it was.

She hated the way the Stimpack worked, leeching off the last of her adrenaline to heal her. Her heart still raced but the rest of her body felt heavy. She couldn't even find the energy to glare.

"You're worn out. Why don't I give you some private time, huh?" He leaned forward, caressed her cheek with a callused thumb. "I need to check in with the other slaves and then the Operators."

She longed to bite him, especially when his thumb ghosted over her lips, but her body wouldn't work. His hand settled under her chin and kept her head in place. "You have beautiful eyes, so green. I feel like I could get lost in them."

He kissed her.

Had he been some settlement boy, it would have been sweet. His lips weren't chapped and he wasn't being rough. It felt nice. He carefully kept his body off hers, only the pressure his hand on her chin and his lips. The promise of something more hid under it, like a pulse. Too bad he looked to be in his thirties and the something more was violence. She might have liked it otherwise. Instead, she stayed completely still, refusing him the pleasure of a reaction. He lightly licked her lower lip as he pulled away. "Good girl, Reese." He brushed his lips against her forehead and left her alone with her thoughts.

Her body and brain seemed to click back together once enough time had passed for him to not be in the building. The chair fell over as she jumped from it. The crash made her flinch. She automatically covered her chest. First thing first, she needed to find a shirt. The dresser looked like a good place to start.

The Fizztop Grille didn't look all that different from an other settled-down Wastelander's apartment. She expected skeletons in cages or at least empty chem containers and alcohol bottles. Maybe the new Overboss cleaned the place up some.

She found a men's sweater in the first drawer she opened. It didn't look like something a raider wore but she wasn't complaining. It covered her and was clean, although it slipped off her left shoulder. She rolled the sleeves up to her elbows and tried to figure out what to do next.

She came up with nothing, no new moves. This wasn't freedom. The weight of the collar proved it. The only freedom would be throwing herself off the side of the patio. It was a long drop but she wouldn't be first slave to off herself. She stepped onto the patio. A voice stopped her.

"You look good in my clothes."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for non consensual "sex" in this chapter. It's not sex, obviously. He's trying to control her. Also the beginning hints strongly at suicide.
> 
> And like I said, I messed with the Fizztop layout to meet the story telling needs. Nathan would hate sleeping on the patio area so I moved the bed.

"Come here." He out-stretched his arms, like he expected a hug.

Reese looked down at the rough floor of the patio and ran her foot across it. She wondered just how fucked up the man had to be to expect her to hug him. She pulled the sweater tighter around her shoulders, finding a small bit of comfort in the itchy material against her skin. She felt exposed under his glance. If he took her out here, the entire park would hear. She shook her head, backing into the barrier. 

"No?" The look of concern didn't reach his eyes but he stepped forward. "At least come away from the edge. I don't want you to do something you can't take back. You're too pretty to be splattered on the pavement."

She stayed where she stood as he stepped closer. He looked too calm. She pled with God to make it quick, painless.

As soon as he got within arms reach, he pulled her into his chest. "Easy now, baby girl. Easy. Let's get you back inside."

He walked her backwards into the main part of the apartment and sat her down on the edge of the bed. One hand pressed down on her shoulder as he examined the mechanism on her shock collar. She tensed, expecting a shock.

"Relax. I'm removing it, at least for a few hours. It'll make this easier." It clicked and came apart. He blocked her view of where he put it down.

She longed to relax into the sudden freedom but the hand on her shoulder moved toward her neck. "You've been wearing that a long time." His rough calloused thumb messaged the chaffed skin. "Be a good girl and you'll never have to wear it again."

She watched his hand as it moved to undue the buttons on the sweater. His other hand joined the job. He wasn't exactly tan, but she caught glimpse of a small ring of lighter skin on his left ring finger. When he saw what she was looking at, he stepped back. "I'm getting ahead of myself. There are things we need cover."

"My name is Nathan Ence. I would like it if you called me Nathan in private but if can't bring yourself to do it, sir will work. I'd rather you keep that pretty little mouth shut in public. Tell me you understand."

She nodded. She didn't intend to use her mouth for anything besides food and air.

"With _words_ , Reese. I don't have the patience for charades."

She shook her head and pressed her lips together.

He put his hands on her shoulders and caressed her neck with a thumb. "Two words. 'Yes, Nathan.' I know you have a voice. The sooner you use it, the sooner I move on." Although his voice sounded warm, like he could gently force the words from her, his eyes were hot. He squeezed gently. 

All the fight melted from her as she imagined what he would do if she didn't speak. She gulped. "Yes, Na-Nathan." Her voice cracked painfully from lack of use and it came out squeaky. 

A sick smile spread across his face as he pulled his hands away. "Good girl. It'll smooth out with practice. We'll work up to longer phrases."

The way he spoke to her, like she no different from a dog or a child annoyed her. He said he was going to rape her. That physical violation, even repeatedly, felt like something she could live with. Instead, he was trying to mess her head too. Acting friendly while subtlety threatening her, turning this into some twisted relationship, putting off the one thing she just wanted over with, all of it was too much. She started crying.

"I know it's a lot to take in, Reese." He sat a little higher on the bed and took off his shirt. The creak made her jump. "Why don't I just touch you tonight? Believe it or not, I don't enjoy causing pain in bed and it's obvious you've never done this before. My needs can wait." He settled onto the bed, leaning against the headboard. He patted his chest. "Come here."

She wanted to stop crying, wanted to try and run, maybe do something to make him force himself on her but all she could do was sob. He gently maneuvered her so her face was against his chest and slid one of his hands under the sweater, rubbing her back.

She flinched. His hand was cold.

He chuckled, a deep sound that vibrated her cheek and made her feel sick. "Relax, Reese. I want this to feel good, to help you understand that this is what you were made for." His hands settled on her hips, messaging the skin. His lips found her neck.

She shuddered.

He moved her so she was sitting with her back on his chest. One hand rested just above her waistband, the other moved up under the sweater./p>

_No, no, no, no!_ She jerked away from his cold hand as he brushed her nipple.

His other wrapped around her middle, holding her against him. "I'm in control, baby girl. Either trust me and relax or it'll hurt. Your choice."

It probably only took a few minutes but it felt like hours. It wasn't a surrender, she was just tired. Her body wanted sleep. The crying stopped and suddenly Nathan's hands felt warmer. He started gently messaging her sides under the sweater.

"Good girl. Can I trust you not to bite me if I ask you to suck on my fingers?"

Her heart rate spiked, painfully. She knew enough to know exactly what he meant to do. If she'd had the energy, she would have tried to get away or at least start crying again. Instead, she kept her mouth firmly shut.

The sound he made as he sucked on his fingers made her want to barf. His hand, wet and warm, teased the skin above her waistband and then, too quickly for her to stop it, spread her enough to grant him access.

Nathan held his hand _there_ as if waiting for her to get used to the intrusion. Then, ever so gently, he touched something. It made her jerk.

He chuckled again. "That's your clitoris, Reese, a little buddle of nerves that feels good when touched just right. Your cunt is probably too tight for my fingers. Some stimulation will loosen you up."

She didn't want to think about what he was going. She closed her eyes, tried to detach from the situation, but his other hand squeezed her hip. She winced.

"I want you with me," he said. "No getting lost in that pretty little head. Tell me you understand."

She shook her head.

"You don't? Reese, I'm not asking for much." He moved his fingers inside her pants, brushing against _that_ spot in such a way that another part of her clinched. She felt damp and dirty. "See, your body wants this. Accept that, let me make you come, and then we'll sleep. It's not hard."

He kept stroking her, his other hand kneading a breast, gently forcing the part of her body she didn't want to think about to flutter, clinch, and tighten. A finger slid in. He worked it in and out of her slowly. She didn't make much noise beyond heavy breathing. The tension broke unexpectedly, quietly. He held her still, forcing her to ride out the little wave on his finger. Everything in her brain screamed "No!" but her body wouldn't listen.

"Not bad for your first." He turned her around so they were chest to chest again. "I'm proud of you."

She hiccuped and started crying again, loud sobs. Somehow this was worse than what she imagined the raiders doing, this gentle violation. She didn't move away from him, couldn't really, his arms were too strong. She lurched.

Nathan was off the bed, sitting her up completely, and rushing for a bowl before anything came up.

The acid burned her throat and part of her was thankful she hadn't eaten in a few days. She let it come up, then dry heaved a few times. It tasted awful.

She ignored Nathan's attempts at soothing her. None of his words included an apology and even if they had, she wouldn't have believed it. "Shush, you're okay. You're okay. I didn't even hurt you. You're okay."

She moved away from his touch.

"Let's go to sleep, okay? It's been a long day. You'll feel better in the morning." He put the bowl on the floor and laid on his side, then pulled her back against him, resting her head on his arm. "So I know if you have to vomit again."

She laid there, empty stomach rolling for hours before sleep finally took her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Okay. I wrote that. My brain has been screaming "Alice, why are you writing this!" for days but also won't let the idea go. I know it's bad when I use my first name for myself. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> What do you think? I tried to write it better this time but it's hard when the female character is sheltered and in shock. I really don't like Nathan either. That's why he's called Nathan and not Nate, because I've read more good Nates than bad.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was caught between using my married name with AJ or keeping Edwins as my pen name (it's not my maiden name). Anyway, you're more than welcome to still call me AJ, but it's actually Alice!

Reese woke up with one of Nathan's arms around her. Her head rested on the other. He was already awake, rubbing the spot where the sweater rode up, exposing her belly. His breath tickled the back of her neck. "You're going to make an excellent mom for my son and the children we'll have together."

At that, she jerked from his grasp, falling to the floor. Her knees smacked the hard floor with a painful thud, scraping on the rough wood. The force of it threatened to knock the wind out of her. He had a son. He wanted more, with her. How did he even figure out she bled often to probably be fertile? Her brain screamed but no words came out.

"I didn't mean to scare you, but you looked perfect in my arms. Shaun will be coming here as soon as the park is secure. He's ten."

She looked up at Nathan, really looked at him. He was lounging lazily on the bed, looking down at her with amusement in his eyes. A ten year old son. Just how old was he? She guessed in his early thirties before but with a son, he could be older. Heck, depending on how long he and whomever the boy's mother took to conceive, Nathan could be old enough to be _her_ father.

"I'm essentially thirty-five." He patted the bed. "Come on, get back up here. I like how you look on your knees but I don't think you're ready for that."

The innuendo had her on her feet within seconds. _Don't think about it,_ she ordered herself. _Think about the smell of Brahmin poo. Don't think about him doing **that**_.

Nathan chuckled and put his feet on the floor, trapping her legs between his. "You up to kissing me good morning or are you still feeling sick?" His hands held her loosely by the hips, rough thumbs messaging the skin.

She shook her head and tried to back away.

He let her step away and brushed a kiss to her cheek as he stood. "Go back to sleep. I need to do a few things with Gage. I'll bring back a Nuka Cola to settle your stomach." He steered her to the bed.

Instead of lying down she watched as he turned his back to get ready for the day. His back didn't look that different from a caravan guard's. Strong, used to work, but pale instead of tan. He slid on a shirt, then a heavily padded leather jacket, then, to her surprise, a glove and Pip Boy. _A Vault Dweller?_

"Something you want to ask me, baby girl?

She shook her head.

He turned to face her. "Use your words, Reese."

She realized, in horror, that he was about to take off his pants. She closed her eyes. "No, sir."

"Thought the world didn't make shy girls anymore. Sleep."

She laid down, if only so she could turn her back to him. He put a blanket over her and ran his hand through her hair. She fought to stay still until the caressing stopped.

She started shaking the second he was gone. She didn't want to be here, in his bed. She definitely didn't want to sleep in it alone, she'd rather be on the floor, but imagining what he'd do her, to the others, if she disobeyed...

She curled up and didn't move for hours.

She didn't even move when he came back and called her name. He sighed. "Did you spend the entire day in bed, honey? That's not good for you."

The bed creaked and his hand touched her shoulder. She pulled away.

"I talked to Mackenzie. I can't let you see her, she's a bad influence, but she suggested a simple tea, and some light food. Honestly, I wanted to make an example of her, but she's too valuable." He stood. "I'm going to make soup. When you feel up to it, you can have some. I have a gift for you."

She didn't like the idea of gift but the smell of the soup got to her. Her stomach rumbled. He had already poured out two bowls when she forced herself off the bed. He patted the seat of chair beside his.

There wasn't anywhere else to sit so she sat. He smiled and offered her a spoon. "Eat slow."

The soup was watery, tato she thought. She didn't look at Nathan as she ate. It felt like his eyes watched but she didn't want to be caught looking at him. Neither of them spoke until she finished.

"I'd let you have another bowl but you might get sick again. Go ahead and use the bathroom, clean up a bit. My gift can wait."

She looked over to the bathroom area. There was no privacy, not even the illusion of it. She rubbed her arm nervously. She needed to pee but the idea of him watching her made her shudder.

"Look at me, Reese." He nudged her chin. "If you need something, tell me. If it's unreasonable, the worst you'll get is a no."

She tried to look away. He wasn't holding her chin tightly but it was pretty clear she wouldn't be let go until she said something. She wiped her hands on her pants. The blush betrayed her and she cursed it silently. She shouldn't be feeling embarrassment of all things. She hadn't spoken a full sentence since her mother died. She coughed.

"Could you, um, not look? Please?" The squeak at the end made her blush even harder. The desperation in her voice music have been obvious. 

Nathan chuckled. "Is that all?"

"Yes, sir."

He dropped her chin after briefly kissing her. "I can wait on the patio. Take as long as you need." He left her and made a show of stepping onto the patio and leaning against the railing, his back to the main part of the apartment.

She ran to the toilet, almost knocking over her chair in the process. The relief was only physical. One glance over to the patio and the tension came back. She washed her hands, (how long had it been since she had soap?), ran her fingers through her hair to dry them, and then looked back over to the patio.

Nathan had settled on the top of a table, resting his feet on the chair. He watched the sunset disinterestedly, from what she could tell. She opened the glass door to the patio nervously. "Sir?"

"Don't worry, I won't let you jump." He moved his feet off the chair and pulled it out. "Go ahead, sit. Let's talk."

Sitting like that, her head lower than his, reminded her exactly what position she was in, collar or not. No matter how nice he acted, he was the Overboss; she was a slave. She set her hands on the table top and looked at them, waiting for him to say something.

He put one of his hands over her left. "I'd like to apologize for this morning. I meant to wait to tell you about Shaun until you were more settled into our arrangement. Mackenzie told me you might get pregnant when I punished her yesterday. I got excited. I lost Nora, Shaun's mother, when he was small. I want more children. After talking to her today, I don't want Mackenzie overseeing your medical care. Unfortunately, I'll be pulling out until I can find another doctor for Nuka World. You're how old? Twenty, maybe twenty one?"

She nodded and then remembered. _Words_. "Yes, sir. Don't remember my exact birthday."

"Then we have time, as long as I make sure you don't get exposed to radiation." His hand started petting her head again.

She felt sick. He obviously wasn't giving her the option to say no and she didn't need to be mind reader to know that Mackenzie would be killed as soon as possible. Reese's heart ached for her former protector. Nathan wouldn't let her see her before, in all likelihood.

"You know, how about we make your birthday today, call you twenty one? I even have a present." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a thin leather cord. A pristine ring, obviously pre-war, its single stone still in place, hung from it. "I gave this to Nora when we got engaged. I don't think it'll fit your finger but I want you to wear it around your neck either way. Less likely to get lost. Why don't you turn around, so I can put it on?"

She searched his face for the option to refuse and didn't find it. Then, she looked at the hand holding the leather. His left, complete with a thin gold wedding band. Her stomach sunk. Some big places had priests, pastors, or confessors to perform weddings but most people just went "Well, we're married" and started saying things like "Husband" and "Wife". That's what her parents did, complete with simple leather bands on their left hands. Just the two of them and God. Only there's no God involved when you're married to a devil.

Nathan chuckled. "It's better than a slave collar." He nudged her with his foot so her back was turned to him. He tied it tight, far enough down she could see the ring but short enough she couldn't pull it off. Then, he leaned forward and kissed her neck. "Stand up, let me look."

Arms and legs shaking in horror, she stood. _No, no, no._

His hand brushed against the ring. "Beautiful." Then he grabbed her by the back of the head and kissed her. It went on longer for than his other kisses and she got lost in her thoughts.

_This is much much worse than a slave collar._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm happily newly wed to my partner of three years!!! I don't know why unhealthy marriages and babies are a theme for me. ~~well besides my fears of divorce and parenthood. oh am i analyzing myself again? sorry.~~
> 
> What do you think? I'm still deciding exactly what Nathan's going to do with the raider gangs and would love input. I'm not even sure what ending he choose to get Synth!Shaun. I'm thinking Brotherhood but with Shaun being synthetic, I'm not sure what to do. Nathan's horrible but he's very proud that he's not a liar.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **HEAD THAT BOLD ARCHIVE WARNING**
> 
> Okay, this was one of the most intense things I've written and that includes college papers hours before they're due. I feel like I need to explain my motivations but I don't want to spoil anything. Please read the end notes before you review.

Nathan didn't do anything to Reese on their "wedding" night. He mumbled something about being tired from clearing The Galactic Zone and a false concern for her health. Instead he stripped down to his boxers and pulled her into bed with him. He mumbled something about getting her new clothes, "Maybe a couple dresses," and fell asleep. She woke up first, chest to chest with Nathan on his back below her.

She fantasized about killing him for a moment. Putting a pillow over his face and smothering him. Slitting his throat, hot blood pouring onto the sheets. She didn't know how many doses of Med X it took to kill a man but she'd try anything. She put a hand on his neck, catching his heart beat beneath her thumb, and stilled.

_I can't do it._

She hated herself for it. Maybe was because she'd never killed a person before. It was oddly intimate, strangling a man in his sleep. He may run cold, but he was still warmer than the surrounding air. She remembered a verse from Daddy's old Bible. _Thou shall not kill_.

Another one came to mind, Jesus talking about how looking at woman who isn't your wife wrong is the same as cheating on her. "Same with any sin," she could almost hear Dad say. "Jesus wants us to be good, not just on the outside, but on the inside too. Think good thoughts, do good things, that's what He's telling us."

She wanted to kill Nathan. She _should_ kill him. Everyone would be better off without an Overboss but all she saw was Dad and Jesus shaking their heads, sending her to damnation. Her hand inadvertently squeezed his neck.

Nathan warmed up a little as he woke. He shifted under her and then his hand flew to her wrist, strong enough that fear shot through her. He didn't say anything but his eyes bore into her, as if challenging her to add her other hand.

They're at a standstill. Her, straddling him, one hand around his neck, the other on his shoulder. Him, a coiled spring beneath her, more than capable of gaining the upper hand, but unmoving. It lasted only a couple of minutes but it felt like ages. Her heartbeat hurt her chest, his steady remained beneath her hand.

"You want to hurt me." The way he said it, sticky sweet, like he thought it _fucking_ cute, forced her to act. She scrambled away. The floor felt rough on her bare feet but was better than his body. Her chest heaved. She wanted to cry or scream. Maybe both. Breathing hurt too much to do either. She wheezed.

"Honey, be careful of your ribs!"

She backed away from him as he got off the bed. _Don't touch me, please, don't touch me. Please._

She didn't realize she'd spoken aloud until he replied. "I have to touch you. You're in pain. I forgive you. I'm not going to hurt you. Sit down before you make it worse."

Reese heard the elevator and turned to book it. Gage caught her before she could even get close. "Reese, ain't you supposed to be with your aunt?"

"Mackenzie isn't really her aunt, Porter. Could you hold my wife still? She's hurt and I managed to scare her."

"Reese ain't a--oh."

Reese hadn't noticed Nathan's sweater coming unbuttoned. Gage now had full view of her small but obvious breasts. She quickly covered herself up.

"Explains how Mackenzie got the shiner. Do you really got time to deal with this, boss?"

"I called her my wife, didn't I? I have to make time. It won't take long." Nathan came up to them and put a hand on Reese's shoulder. "Honey, I know it's been a rough couple days, but I'm trying to help."

She stared at Gage, begging him with her eyes to help. The raider, with one eye missing, was hard to read. She'd never actually been this close to him before. She didn't even know exactly what she was pleading for. Only that he do something, _anything_ to save her. She didn't even care if he shot her.

Gage turned around and hit the button for the elevator. "Don't take long, boss."

She expected no less from a Goddamn raider, forgive taking the Lord's name in vain. The one moment she needed genuine compassion, it had to be _Gage_. "Fucking Coward!" she yelled at the elevator door as it closed. 

"I hope you don't intend to speak like that around Shaun." He pulled her back to the bed and forced her to sit. "Let me look at your ribs." For once, the angry heat in his eyes wasn't a flash. It burned like a car fire.

She stopped struggling and took off the sweater. What did she do to make his reaction this bad? That anger hadn't been there when she was thinking about killing him. "Sir?"

He gently started probing her sides and ignored her. The fire didn't leave his eyes. He got up to grab the first aid kit and injected a Stimpack without warning. He rubbed the injection site. "Cough."

She tried, but it sounded pathetic. No, his eyes weren't just angry. What was it? She studied him, probably too closely.

Disappointment, desperation, and defeat.

"Sir?" He didn't answer. "Nathan?"

"Do you have a history of hurting yourself?" The pale hand beside her thigh turned into a fist. "The other night, on the patio, that wasn't the first time you considered suicide."

"Most of us have, sir," she whispered.

"I didn't ask about the slaves, Reese, I asked about you. Answer me. Yes or no. Right now, in this moment, you want to die?" His eyes were cold again.

She looked at him, really looked at him. She didn't like him, but in that moment, she didn't hate him. She pitied him. Being broken didn't excuse what he did, what he planned to do, but something had to break him. She put her hand over his fist, took a deep breath, and lied.

"No."

His lips collided with hers with a surprising amount of force. His kisses before were gentle, almost exploratory. This was scalding. He loomed over her, positioning her on her back. "I wish I could take more time with you but I can't. Try not to struggle."

 _Oh, Jesus. He's going it now. Help me._. She gulped as he kissed her scarred neck. Her heart pounded in her head, drowning out the details of his noises and words.

Nathan stayed gentle but the urgency added a rough element that frightened her. His fingers tried and failed to get a reaction from that little spot between her legs. He rested his forehead on her shoulder. "Give me something, baby girl. I don't want your first time to hurt but I need to take you."

Reese remembered her pity. With shaking hands, she pulled his head toward her mouth and kissed him. Nothing could make her want it but he already proved that that didn't matter to her body. "Try again, please," she begged. One more touch and she was damp. It felt dirty, wrong, but she knew he considered them married. She'd freak out when he left, maybe wash in Abraxo.

A few strokes and thrusts with his fingers and then he was over and inside of her.

A distant part of was proud she didn't scream. It _hurt._ He tried to soothe her with words, false promises, and slow thrusts. All she wanted to was for him to hurry up and finish. It took a small eternity.

"Let me clean you up."

She shook her head. She could deny him a small part of his grooming in the aftermath. He had to allow her that; it was almost like she consented.

"Reese..." He dressed, careful not to touch her again.

When she heard the elevator leave, she screamed. She was angry with herself, Nathan, _and_ God. She screamed herself hoarse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so in the original, called "Reese", the first rapes happens as a punishment of sorts. The Nathan in that one was flat, inhuman. I wanted this Nate to be more creepy, more plausible, if you will.
> 
> Inappropriate sexual arousal is a common symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, especially more complex (multiple traumas) cases. I did research into it originally for God Forgive Me, which involved two consenting adults and will get rewritten eventually. The original is still up if you'd like to look into it. The trigger is him thinking Reese would die on purpose to get away from him. Suicide is a major issue in the armed forces.
> 
> That being said, nothing excuses Nathan's behavior. *insert 'cool motive, still murder' gif here* Reese is not consenting, she is accepting it as inevitable. She has high levels of empathy, a trait I didn't want to give her, but will work later in the story.
> 
> I understand if people don't like how this went. I promise Reese is going to get away from him.


	5. Chapter 5

At some point, staying on the bed made Reese sick. She ran for the toilet. The floor hurt her knees but a lot more of her hurt so it didn't matter. She puked until her ribs wouldn't let her do it anymore. Then, she boiled water and Abraxo on the stove. The scrubbing and boiling, boiling and scrubbing went on for hours, until her skin was raw.

Clothes proved difficult. They all smelled of him and most of them were far too big. She had to settle for a pair of boxers and a shirt that covered most of her butt. She breathed through her mouth and tried to ignore the scent.

The elevator came up and she tensed. Instead of the familiar form of Nathan, a Pack member with a crate full of stuff appeared. "You the Overboss's missus?" He didn't seem to know who she was, but she didn't know him either. Funny, ginger hair wasn't common. Maybe she forgot about him because he had no remarkable facial features.

She nodded. A little meow came from the crate. A solid black kitten escaped from a spot near a can of cram. A note hung from a string around its neck.

The Pack raider grabbed the kitten by the scruff of its neck and deposited it in Reese's arms. "Not allowed to leave until you read it, Boss's orders."

The kitten wiggled in her arms but there was nothing she could do. Dad never got around to teaching her to read and Mom hadn't known more than the alphabet. All she could tell was that the front had an R on it.

"I don't know how," she admitted. "Do you?"

"Your old man don't know you can't read?"

She shrugged. "My dad never got around to it."

"Better not be a gushy love note." The Pack member took the note off the kitten and cleared his throat. "Baby girl, Porter and I are going to clear Safari Adventure. I'll be gone about four days. Figured you might want a friend and some food. Name him whatever you like, I've already removed his testicles."

 _I'd like to removed your testicles,_ she thought, darkly.

"Trouble in paradise?" the raider asked.

 _I hope that doesn't become a habit. It could get me in a lot of trouble._ She blushed. "Don't tell him I said that."

"Don't tell anyone I read Proust in my free time, and you got yourself a deal." He turned back to the note. "Don't forget to take the Rad X before you eat. I'll be back as soon as possible. Love, Nathan."

"Thanks, um, what's your name?" Looking at him, she couldn't even figure out if he was a he at all.

"Jules. See you, Mrs. Overboss." He looked her up and down, blue eyes lingering on her thighs, then left. She shuddered. She set the wiggly kitten down as soon the elevator closed. She wanted to hate it. Nathan's attempt at bribery, she guessed. It--he?--jumped back in the crate and started pawing at the cram.

It meowed again. "Alright, alright. I could use some food too. Patience, kitty, patience."

She named him Cram, because she had nothing else better to call him. He ate it, although she worried about radiation poisoning. She doubted she could give a cat Rad X. She didn't want to take it either, but Nathan's note probably counted as orders. She swallowed the pill and then cooked the cram, feeding Cram pieces as she went. The smell blocked out the smell of him. She longed for a shower. Hadn't seen one in years and if one hid up here, Colter obviously never used it.

The bottom of the crate contained clothes, two dresses, two shirts, two pairs of pants, socks, panties, a bra, a nightgown she decided to ignore, and a pair of shoes. Nathan gave her real shoes. They weren't like the sturdy boots she wore on the trail growing up but they looked the right size.

She looked at the bed to remind herself Nathan wasn't doing it to be nice. They'd be impractical if she tried to escape. The food would only last her maybe double the time he planned to be gone. He intended to make her completely dependant on him. Even Cram, the poor thing, could be used against her. She might be unable to read but she wasn't an idiot.

Jules returned a few hours later with a box of dirt for Cram to do his business in. "The note said he'd be gone awhile. Want me to teach you to read?"

She shook her head. "You might get in trouble. Thank you for the litter box."

He was looking at her thighs again. "How bad is he hurting you?"

She looked at her thighs. She knew they hurt, but hadn't noticed the bruising. Nathan must have been holding her tighter than she thought. The concern on Jules' face made her pale. "It's okay."

"It isn't okay, he's your husband."

"You're wrong about that." She pulled the shirt away from his neck. When she first got the slave collar, she got a nasty infection. Mackenzie told her the scars would never fade. "I might be his wife in name, but I've been a slave here since Colter took over." 

"Why would he call you his wife?"

"You're the raider, Jules. You tell me." The nerve of him, a raider and a Pack one at that, asking her why Nathan hurt her. Hurting people was what raiders did.

Part of her regretted pushing Jules away. The next days were boring. She cleaned, got used to walking in the shoes, and played with Cram. When she slept, she slept curled on the floor. Cram used her feet for a pillow, as if he knew the bed was off limits. The morning of the Nathan's projected return came too soon. It may have been boring but it ended the nearest thing she'd experienced to freedom. She made the bed, put on the longer of the two dresses, and waited.

Reese hadn't worn a dress before, not even back when she'd been named Emily. The pink material was worn and comfortable. It covered her shoulders, and the skirt fell to mid calf, but all the necklines of her new clothes lacked the ability to hide Nora's ring. It hung from her neck like she imagined a noose would.

He came back with his hair a mess and a bag full of junk. He set the bag down, then smiled. "You make a pretty picture. I see you got your gifts. Are you feeling better, keeping up with your Rad X?"

"Yes." She moved to help him, more out of habit than an desire to do so.

"No, honey, it's alright, sit." He went toward the bathroom area. "You look like you didn't sleep well without me. Did you have any trouble being on your own?"

There was a hiss and Cram came dashing from under the bathtub. The kitten jumped into her lap. Reese put one hand on his fur and braced herself. Nathan could say anything.

"At least he took to one of us." She turned her head as he relieved himself and rearranged his hair. "I need to shave, but not right now. There's something more important I need to do."

He perched on the edge of the table and leaned forward to kiss her. Cram went running.

Her brain blurted it out before she could think of anything else. "Can I ask you for something, please?"

"Is something wrong?" He took her face in hand. "Is there something I forgot to give you? Mackenzie said you shouldn't be getting your period yet."

"No, no. Your gifts were fine, great. I just--" She hoped her fear came off as embarrassment.

"What is it?" he repeated. "If this is about the other morning--"

"I don't know how to read and write!" she nearly yelled before he could mention sex. It was what she trying to avoid anyway. "I couldn't read your note and your messenger had to read it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, Nathan. I didn't grow up in a fancy vault." She hiccuped. _Please let this work, Jesus._

Nathan slid onto the floor so he could look straight in her face. "Reese, did you think this would upset me?"

She nodded. Letting him fill the blanks felt like the best course of action.

"I won't lie, I'm surprised." He pulled her into a hug. "You're smart. But I could never be upset for that. That's your parents' fault. They should have taught you. Is that why you weren't sleeping? You thought I'd be mad?"

She nodded then croaked out a "Yes."

"I'm doing a horrible job taking care of you. I should have considered the possibility you couldn't read." He pulled back so they were forehead to forehead. "You're shaking. I know just the thing to calm you down."

He pulled her to her feet and kissed her. His hands played with the hem of her dress. He kissed her ruined neck. "Do you trust me to try this against the wall?"

She shook her head. It didn't work. Of course it didn't.

He nipped at her neck. "Use your words, baby girl."

"Bed, please?" The words felt too close to consent but she said them anyway.

He lifted her into his arms and kissed her. He was gentle, somehow both strong and soft, even as he pulled the dress over her head. Her brain detached slightly, imagining what could have been, if she'd been Emily and he'd been anyone else. Unfortunately, she snapped back to the present as soon as he laid her down. "You're beautiful, Reese."

She almost corrected him, called herself Emily, but couldn't, not when started kissing down her body. She refused to give him that part of her. She balled her fists into the sheet and tried to sit up when his breath ghosted over her panties.

Nathan chuckled into her thigh. "Relax, let me take care of you."

She hated that her body reacted to him, hated the building warmth, the soft release. He chuckled before pressing his lips to hers. They tasted funny. "You're the quietest woman I've ever been with. I like it, feels more intimate. This is how it's supposed to be."

It felt wrong, but she didn't voice it. She tried to lie and take it but he knew her body too well. As her second release faded, she realized something horrible. The tears started again.

He hadn't pulled out.

She tried to push him off but he started making soothing noises. "Shush, honey, it's okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. This just means that after I clear another park, I have to find your doctor. Shush."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No points if you guess who Jules is.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *starts imagining another universe with Reese*
> 
> Also I know it's impossible but the song I imagine Nathan singing in the beginning is Dive by Ed Sheeran.

Nathan woke before her and started breakfast. The bed was still warm where he slept. Cram had taken his spot. Part of her wanted to lay there and pretend she was on the trail and the smell was Dad cooking. The other part of her needed to pee. Nathan started to sing. She didn't recognize the song, but damn, his voice. _I could get used to this._ She gasped at the thought. No, that was exactly what he wanted her to feel. She mentally squashed the thought.

"Is everything okay over there, honey?" Nathan called.

She tried to ignore him.

"Reese, I asked you a question." The tone reminded her of the danger. "I know you're awake."

"Sorry, sir." She sat up and scratched Cram on the head. The cat started purring. It calmed her down. "I got stuck in my head. Won't happen again."

He sighed, sounding long suffering. "I thought you were past the formality. How are your ribs, your breathing? Are you feeling sick at all? I can't take care of you if you don't talk to me."

"I feel fine, Nathan." She felt dirty, sticky, and sick with dread. Not that those were new feelings. "Do you need help?"

"No, I enjoy cooking. Why don't you come sit over here and tell me what's going on in your head today?" He pointed toward a chair with a spoon.

The option to say no didn't exist. She slowly got to her feet and sat in the chair, naked as the day she was born. Cram stretched out across the bed.

"You look troubled, darling. I told you not to worry about the reading thing."

She took a deep breath. Sharing the truth seemed too personal but only God knew how he'd react if she refused to speak. It hurt to say, but she exhaled shakily anyway. "I was thinking about my parents."

"Oh, honey."

Once the gate opened, she couldn't stop it. "My mom died when I was nine. I stopped talking around then, I think. Mama's death, it was slow. I didn't know what to do. She'd been dead a couple days when Dad came back. He didn't know what to do with me, so he started taking me along the trade routes. I learned fast. His name was Reese first but everyone thought I was a boy so I became Reese Junior. We never bothered correcting people. We were just passing through the day Colter attacked."

"What was your name before?"

She shook her head. _I'm not letting you take that from me._ "Don't matter. I'm Reese now."

"Okay. I won't take your father's name from you." He pushed a container of water and the Rad X toward her with his free hand. "Take your medication. Breakfast is almost ready."

She took it begrudgingly, slowly sipping on the water.

They both startled when the elevator started. Nathan quickly charged across the apartment and threw one of his shirts at her. She pulled it on.

Mason appeared as the elevator doors opened, holding a pack member by the collar of their furry jacket. "Heard you were looking for this pup. Thought I'd save you the trouble."

Reese fought the urge to jump out of her seat when she heard Mason's voice. She always suspected he suspected she wasn't what she seemed. The pack alpha never called her out on it, strangely. The threat made her fear him more than any other raider in the park. 

"And this warrants disrupting my wife and I at breakfast why?" Nathan's eyes were cold, hard. The tension between the two men, both alphas in their own right, felt as thick as radioactive waste. 

Mason saw her then. "Hello, kitten. Finally came out with the truth. Shame you didn't come to me with your troubles. If you ever want to leave him, I promise I'll treat you better."

"I doubt it," she whispered. Okay, she drew the line of anyone-but-Nathan at Mason. No shame in admitting it. At least Nathan smelled good. They could be the same man for all she cared.

Nathan stepped behind her, set a hand on her shoulder, and kissed her cheek. "If you're done with your worthless posturing, Mason, you can go. Thank you for bringing Jules."

Mason threw Jules to the ground left.

Jules tried to get up but he'd clearly taken quite the beating. Nathan walked over to him and squatted beside him. "Easy, son. Reese, darling, grab the med kit."

Reese followed the order and knelt beside Jules. Blood, not even dried, mingled with the faux fur. She couldn't help but feel guilty. Was this because he read the note? Because he'd been nice? "What can I do to help? Mackenzie taught me some."

Nathan took her face in one of his hands. "Heat some water and grab my soap. I need to clean the blood off. Damn Mason, I didn't want to hurt the boy."

She started the water heating while Nathan carefully removed Jules' clothes. Jules helped a little. "Why?" he croaked.

"I meant to offer you a job. You remind me of someone I used to know. I don't have the patience or time to teach Reese myself. Now, stop talking, son. It looks like you took a boot to the ribs. Reese, you're shaking again, honey, sit on the bed, breathe."

Reese had seen plenty of injured people before. It didn't bother her. Blood, broken bones, bruises, were all facts of life. She'd even watched people die. Mama was the first in a long line of hands she held as life left, most of them Nuka World slaves. There was something different about this time. Maybe it was knowing Nathan could have any intention toward Jules. Maybe it was watching the hands that hurt her carefully healing another. She didn't know.

"Don't cry for me, Mrs. Overboss," Jules said once Nathan got him seated on the sofa, bandaged and stitched together. "I've taken worse beatings."

"My wife is feeling a little delicate today, and please, it's Nathan and Reese, unless you intend to return to the Pack after this."

"Pack's my family, Overboss."

Reese got ahold of herself quickly. Nathan looked confused, an expression she didn't like on his face. "That's how the Pack works, Nathan. On the surface, it seems like sex, drugs, and fighting, but if you know your place, it's the most stable of the gangs."

Nathan didn't look she believed her.

"The Disciples aren't much different from other raiders behind the masks, willing to kill each other, from what I've seen. The Operators might not even be raiders, hard to tell. They like caps. No caps, no Operators. The Pack, they have their system, you know? Mason takes care of his own, as long as they don't challenge him and stay loyal. I'm guessing he beat up Jules because it's Pack first, Overboss second."

"Clever girl." Jules whistled.

"Very clever." Nathan sat beside her and wrapped her in a one-sided hug. "I'm proud of you. That's the most you've ever said. That information is valuable."

"Wait, _you're_ the mute one that Mason thought disappeared." Jules looked surprised. "Fuck."

Nathan's body tightened beside her. "First rule if you want to stay, boy, I do not allow swearing in my home."

"Gotcha, Overboss."

"It's Nathan," he corrected. "Second rule, you're not allowed to be alone with Reese or my son when he gets here. I'll consider you a raider until you prove you're capable of being more. I'd like to consider you my brother in time."

Of course Nathan would offer that, if Jules called the Pack his family. Something like would appeal to a guy like him. Reese longed to tell him not to fall for it, to get out of Nuka World, but she couldn't, not with Nathan's arm around her waist.

"Third, I'm getting you new clothes. You may be a raider, but I'm not going to let you look like one."

Jules' unremarkable face lit up at the offer. Reese's stomach sunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reese not knowing that this is exactly what "Jules" wants for other reasons is killing me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why must I do this to my poor Reese? I would be working on another piece with her and a good Nate but Jayce threatened me.

Reese spent the day tense, worrying about Jules. Nathan, while not as "doting" as he was on Reese, decided to spend the entire day in the apartment. Reese hated it, especially when she figured out Jules was only playing at being a submissive Pack member. Although he looked like he like he might be even younger than her, his eyes looked older than Nathan. She longed to tell Jules to be careful. Nathan would likely hang him from the patio if he found out he wasn't what he seemed.

"Honey, you're tense." Nathan unexpectedly put a hand on her back once Jules fell asleep. She flinched. "Relax. He's just a boy. No one can hurt you while I'm here."

 _You mean besides you,_ she thought with venom.

Nathan sat in the other kitchen chair and pulled her into his lap, chest to chest. He starting rubbing her back. "I mean it. I know this marriage isn't easy for you yet. I don't expect a miracle. We have to work at it." Then, he started singing.

She recognized this one, a hymn that was old even before the bombs dropped. She hated it, remembered her mom singing it when she was a baby. Nathan's deep voice vibrated from his chest.

"You have a good voice, Overboss," Jules croaked from the sofa. "Don't think I've heard music like that before."

"I'm a Christian, will you have a problem with that, son?"

"No, sir."

The rest of Reese's world dropped out from under her. In that moment it felt like he had taken everything besides her name, even her faith. _Jesus, if he really believes in You, I'm going to have to pass on the Heaven thing,_ she prayed into Nathan's shirt. _Tell Mama and Dad I'm sorry._

"Reese, honey, why don't we go out to the patio to give Jules some time to rest?" Nathan put her on the floor and took her hand. "Yell if you need anything."

He perched on the same the table he used the day they got "married". Reese moved to sit on the chair, but he pulled her up beside him. "I think it's time I tell you about Nora."

Reese touched the ring hanging from her neck. She tried not to think about Nathan's dead wife but she couldn't. Did Nathan treat her the same way? Was Shaun hers? Did she leave him or was she dead? Was she looking down on them?

"Yeah, that Nora. You shared your past. I should share mine. Get comfortable, it might take awhile."

He didn't show much emotion as he told her, even when he admitted that he witnessed the bombs dropping. There was something horrifying about it for her, realizing he was 245 and _not_ a ghoul. Then, Nora's murder, Shaun's kidnapping, and the horror of stumbling into the Wasteland. He joined one organization, then, when they couldn't help him, joined something called the Brotherhood of Steel. They found the Institute, but not Shaun. "Instead of finding my son at the end of the corridor, I found the Director, a monster. I stayed long enough to get the intelligence the Brotherhood needed and left."

Nathan took her hand. "We found him, during the last battle, my little boy, with his mother's eyes and hair, holding onto the hand of a Field Scribe. I'd loss so much, thought I'd lost him, and there he was. Older, but still mine. I was a waiter right here at the Fizztop after I left the military, I proposed to Nora on this patio. When I realized this place was still standing, I knew I had to raise him here. Then, I saw you." He tipped her chin and kissed her. "You know how that story goes."

 _And that story is a living nightmare._ She balled her fists. What did he expect her to say? Yeah, his story was sad, and the pity from the first time he took her still sat below the surface, but mostly she was mad. Life handed plenty of people shit but they weren't shitty and they definitely did _not_ do what he did. "Why?"

"Speak up."

"Why?" she asked, not bothering to police the contempt in her voice. "Why me? Why pick me to replace her?"

"I'm not using you to replace Nora, honey. You're completely different women. She was bold, independent, she wanted me. You, you _need_ me. There's a difference. Tell me you understand."

She definitely did not understand, not at all. "I'm a slave."

"You _were_ a slave, darling. You belong _with_ me, beside me, below me, not to me. When have I showed you otherwise?" He held her chin, forcing eye contact.

She closed her eyes. She couldn't voice the reasons.

"Reese, I asked a question. I expect an answer. What can I do to help you trust me?"

She started crying, traitorous eyes exposing her fear again. "I'll never trust you."

"That wall around your heart has to come down sometime." He slid his hand under her shirt. "You can't deny that we have chemistry. This could be the start of something wonderful if you'd let me in."

"I don't want you," she whispered as he pulled her shirt off. It couldn't be a clearer 'no', not from her. "I don't want this."

He laid the shirt under her as he pushed her onto the table top. "I know, but one day you will. Lift your hips for me?"

She refused, clinching her thighs together.

"Reese, honey." Nathan looked defeated again, almost like the first time.

Little bumps appeared on her arms from a sudden burst of wind. The Geiger counter in Nathan's Pip Boy started a slow clicking. He stepped back, then lifted her off the table. "Rad Storm. We better go inside."

She slipped the shirt back on and followed Nathan into the apartment. Jules startled awake when Nathan latched the door behind them.

Reese wrapped her arms around herself. She felt sick, and not from radiation. He'd almost taken her out there, in the open, with another man on the other side of a _glass_ door. She wanted to thank God the Rad Storm stopped it, but she looked over at Nathan. The fury in his eyes was so cold, they could have been steel-colored instead of brown. He looked over at her. His other features softened, but not his eyes. The Geiger kept ticking as an eerie green glow filled the apartment. "How's your rad resistance, Jules?"

Jules shrugged, then winced.

"Why is it always ribs?" Nathan sighed. He offered both of them Rad X and then guided Reese into a chair. "Baby, breathe."

"She scared of storms?" Jules asked, trying to get up.

"It's alright, son, I got her. She's anxious about a lot of things. Has panic attacks. Probably needs medication, but I'm a medic, not a psychiatrist." Nathan squatted in front of her. "Stay with me, honey. Stay with me. Breathe."

She shook her head as he laced one of his hands with hers. All she could think about how he was probably going to coach her the same way when she had his baby. She involuntary leaned into his shoulder and sobbed. There was no point in fighting him, was there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reese has kinda given up, which I hate, but there's still some fight in her, I hope.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took awhile because my phone kept corrupting what I thought I wanted to write. Seriously, I lost it _six_ times. I decided to try a time skip instead. Let me know what you think.
> 
> Also 700 hits! Holy shit! Thank you so much! I am unworthy!

Things settled into a routine after the rad storm cleared. Nathan set up another bed in the lobby area for Jules, as well as a curtained-off office for himself and a study area for Reese and eventually Shaun. She wanted to question where he got a black board. Jules slipped to his role with an ease that made Reese uneasy. Her gut told her Nathan was doing exactly what the "reformed raider" expected him to do. Nathan falling for manipulation felt like hollow revenge. She prayed it wouldn't end with Jules dying a horrible death.

Nathan couldn't leave after he cleared the bottling plant like he planned. The entire park became tense. With two parks under the control of the Operators and one for the Pack, it was pretty clear Nathan planned something not-good for the Disciples.

Reese ended up trying to ask him why but stumbled over the words, throat closing off.

Nathan chuckled as they ate dinner and took her hand. "Honey, don't be be nervous. It's just us tonight."

She'd broken herself of the habit of pulling away. In fact, in the weeks after the rad storm, she started craving the physical affection. Sex still made her freeze, thankfully. "I was wondering why you haven't given any parks to the Disciples."

"I intend to force them to force me to put them down. I'm not a big fan of needless blood shed. They are the epitome of it."

"But you don't like the Pack either. You're going to kill both groups?"

"I don't like Mason but the Pack itself is redeemable. I might even come up with a way to control him." He let her hand go and tapped her plate with his fork. "Now, eat, honey. We need to get your strength up."

That was the worst part of everything. Despite not having replaced Mackenzie, Nathan wasn't pulling out. She had a period (four days where he hadn't touched her sexually, thank God) but in general wasn't well. Even without a mirror, she knew she'd gotten pale and lost weight. Her body gave up with the rest of her, it seemed.

"I know you're not hungry, sweetheart, but try. I'll take you for walk tomorrow. The sun might help."

Cram meowed from his place on the back of the sofa. The black kitten was the brightest thing in her life. She envied how often he slept but when he was awake, he was constantly running around, making messes she gladly cleaned up. Cram followed her everywhere, more loyal than a trail dog. He even tolerated pets from Nathan, probably because Nathan made the food.

Reese took a bite of boiled tato. She didn't know how Nathan managed to make it taste better than it looked but she silently thanked God for it. She finished it slowly.

Nathan smiled. "Good girl. Jules tells me you figured out that you're left handed."

She nodded as she cut a piece of meat. She didn't want to think about what sort of meat it was. As long as it wasn't people...

"What is that expression for, darling?"

"I didn't marry a cannibal, right?" The question made her blush. It sounded ridiculous. 

"It's nukalurk from the bottling plant. You're not allergic, are you?"

"Never had 'lurk. Dad was scared of them."

He took a bite of his own food. "Take small bites. If it gets hard to breathe or you itch, let me know immediately. Nora was allergic to crab. It can be lethal."

 _Well, if it could kill me, might as try it,_ she thought darkly. One careful bite seemed okay, slightly sweet, with a fruity zip that reminded her of Nuka Quantum. "You said these live in the bottling plant?" she asked.

"They did, yes, but Gage and I think we got all of them, including a queen."

"A queen, with just two of you?" She hated how impressed she felt as she kept eating.

"It wasn't easy. Gage needed medical attention from Mackenzie afterwards. How are you feeling?"

She stared at her plate. No reaction but she couldn't eat another bite. "I think I'm full," she admitted.

He took the plate and sat it on the floor. "Kitty, kitty. Here, Cram." The kitten stretched, jumped off the sofa, and ran to the plate. Nathan scratched his ears. "You ate more than I expected. I'm proud of you for trying something new."

Her traitorous face blushed. She liked when he praised her, to the point that she apologized to Gage for calling the raider a coward. Nathan laughed when they were alone, admitting he agreed with her, but praised her for being the bigger person.

Nathan didn't do anything to her the night after they had mirelurk, but he woke her up with a intense kiss. He pulled her on top of him, so her crotch rested on his boxer covered erection. "You up to trying it like this?" He bucked slightly.

She paled and shook her head. Sex was something she learned to tolerate. She didn't cry or vomit afterwards anymore. Nathan was always trying to get her participate more, taking her in different locations around the apartment, although he avoided the patio furniture.

Nathan looked disappointed as he positioned her on her back and slid her panties down. He braced his knee against her core and leaned forward to breathe on one of her nipples. "How much foreplay do you need?"

"Just do it." That's how she answered that question every time he asked. She didn't fight him, didn't fight the release, but she didn't give in to him either.

He started to kiss down her body. Of course he'd use his mouth. She hated it the most. It seemed unsanitary, and meant she'd come twice before he'd finish. His breath ghosted over her slit. "Last chance to ask me for something else, honey."

She shook her head and clinched her jaw.

She tried to imagine anyone else down there, a settlement boy, a featureless girl (how did girls who liked who liked girls have sex anyway?), even Jules or Gage. Nothing worked because Nathan made noises. If she thought his singing affected her, the noises he made during sex were worse. He figured it out quickly and used it to his advantage. His tongue slipped into her.

"Nathan!" She didn't mean to nearly yell his name at the intrusion, nor to jerk upright.

He moved his tongue in and out a few times, sucked on her clit, and then pulled away to chuckle into her thigh. He looked up at her, brown eyes filled with lust. "That's the first time you've said my name during sex. I like it. Do you want to try this with me on the floor and you on the edge of the bed?"

She shook her head. That sounded alien.

"Then lie back and let yourself enjoy it. You don't have to be so quiet, not this morning." He gently pressed on her shoulder. "Go on."

She shook her head and resisted. "I want to get this over with."

Nathan knelt on the bed and adjusted himself in his boxers. "Honey, I glad you're using your words, but you're going to have to be more specific."

Hot anger bubbled under her skin. "You _know_ this is rape. You said it the fu--" She struggled to self-censor. "First night. I don't want you. You want me pregnant. Why don't you just finish fast and leave me be?"

She noticed, to her surprise, that his erection was going down. "I'd go soft if I tried that and then neither of us would get what we want. I'm not a violent man, honey. I want you to want me, to want to carry our child." He reached out to cradle her face.

She flinched.

Nathan let his hand drop. "I'm hard on you because I have to be. You don't know how to be a woman." His eyes were cold, despite their honey-brown color.

She looked him in the eyes, something she never did willingly, and then said something she'd probably regret. "I don't believe you."

The tension broke when the elevator opened. Jules saw them and quickly closed his eyes, genuine embarrassment on his face. "Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt."

Nathan sighed and got off the bed. "What is it, son?"

"The Alpha's in the lobby, wants to speak to you."

Nathan opened a few drawers and threw her bra, a pair of his boxers, and the pink dress on the bed. "Get dressed, honey." Then he turned to Jules. "I know it's hard, but I told you to call him his name. He's not in charge of you. I'm your employer. Try again."

Reese stood on the other side of the bed, back turned to the men, and dressed. This could be bad. The last time Mason left the amphitheater, it was to deliver Jules.

"Mason is the lobby, wants to speak to you," Jules said again.

Nathan dressed quickly, but to her surprise, choose a suit instead of armor. He put a holster with an impressive 44 on under the jacket. "Did he say what he wanted?"

"That he needed to have a chat, Alpha to Alpha, and to bring Kitten." Jules looked over at Reese, sympathy in his old eyes. "I don't think he meant Cram."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently Reese has a voice kink and _might_ be bisexual. Sometimes my characters surprise me. And look at her, standing up to Nathan! (well technically she was sitting)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day. What can I say? I already knew this was coming. It was just the chapters leading up to it that confused me.
> 
> Oh and if anyone's curious about what Reese's face looks like, since she has never seen herself in a mirror, check out [this selfie](https://www.instagram.com/p/BVtQ3WbFO-1/) of my childhood friend August. Just get rid of the the glasses and the snapback. Also August is 26 I think? But I have their permission for Reese to share their lovely face!!!!!!!

The lobby felt cold. Not literally. Nathan worked hard to make the place to seem welcoming. Maybe the reality that she could become a widow in a matter of minutes hit her. Strange that she wasn't relieved. In fact, all she could think about was Shaun. Everything Nathan did was for the boy, including the game he played with Reese.

Shaun was a mystery. She didn't know what he looked like, Nathan hadn't described interests, or anything beyond that Shaun spent his early years in the mysterious Institute. Of course, Nathan destroyed the Institute for that particular crime. In a way, she pitied Shaun more than she pitied Nathan. It wasn't the boy's fault his only family was a devil and a stepmother who didn't want his father.

Nathan draped his suit coat over her shoulders. He'd taken time to shave and make his hair perfect but had forgone his Pip Boy. His dress shoes clicked against the smooth tile floor as they walked. "You're not wearing your Pip Boy," she whispered.

"And you're not wearing shoes. Relax. This won't take long." He smoothed her hair, kissed her forehead, straightened, then cleared his throat. "Porter, Jules, kindly make yourself scarce, please. We don't require assistance." He pointedly ignored the Alpha in the room.

Jules, staying in character, practically ran from the lobby. Porter gave a gruff, "Sure thing, boss."

Without looking at Mason, Nathan pulled the curtain, opening his office to the rest of the lobby/work shop. He steered Reese to his chair with a gentle, "Go ahead and sit, honey." Then, he perched on a corner of the desk.

Reese sat down and looked nervously at Mason. He looked impatient, but Nathan was busy unbuttoning the top two buttons on his shirt and rolling his sleeves to his elbows. She didn't know if Nathan meant to provoke Mason or intimidate him. "You wanted to see me, Mason?"

"Sure did, Overboss," Mason practically purred. "Good morning, Kitten. You look lovely."

Nathan stayed outwardly calm, still didn't look at Mason, but his voice was sharp. "To you, I am Mr. Ence, and you will address my wife by her first name. Try again."

So that's how Nathan wanted to play it, out class Mason. Not a display of physical power, but rather social superiority. Reese doubted it would work.

Mason stomped across the floor, trailing something that smelled suspiciously like shit on his path to the desk. He stopped just shy of it. "You don't even know her real name, _Nate_. I do."

Nathan's eyes burned but his bored tone didn't change. "Do you?"

Reese gripped the desk. She didn't want to involved in this, pulled between the two men. She looked at Nathan, hoping for some guidance or, preferably, a dismissal. He didn't look at her. 

"I do, but it ain't my secret to share, is it, Kitten?" Mason turned a predatory smile in her direction. Her heart thudded painfully.

Nathan turned to look at her finally and put his hand over both of hers. "Darling, are you alright with Mason whispering in your ear? He won't lay a hand on you, I promise. I meant it when I said I didn't need to know your birth name. I would like to know if he's telling the truth, however."

Reese tensed up. This entire exchange, all of it, suddenly rested on her shoulders. She nodded slowly.

"Use your words, baby girl."

"Yeah," she whispered.

Nathan didn't take his eyes off her. "Mason, please approach from my side. If you put a hand on her, you will loose it."

Mason, purposefully, went around the opposite side of the desk, knelt beside her and whispered in her ear. "Say the word and he's dead, Emily." Then, he respectfully stepped away.

 _Holy shit._ She almost fell off Nathan's chair. _How did he know?_

"Honey." Nathan stroked her hand. "Is he telling the truth?"

Reese couldn't answer, couldn't look at either man. She just stared at the shiny metal desk top.

"You clearly haven't gotten to know my Pack, _Nate,_ " Mason growled. Reese couldn't see him but could imagine him prowling around the lobby, preparing to pounce, boots thudding against the floor. Even though he used the old world wolf as inspiration, he reminded her of a lion. "There is one rule I do not fucking budge on, one I enforce without mercy. We do not rape, especially not slaves. Sexual submission is to be given freely, with clear consent. I've experienced the violation, the shame, of it being forced. Our little kitten, whether she likes it or not, is one of my pups."

It happened fast. Mason pinned Nathan to the table top, a long knife at his throat. The thud of bodies against metal made Reese jump back. The chair crashed to the floor. Reese looked around the lobby, not knowing what she was looking for.

She found Jules, standing in the shaded area near the side exit, sniper rifle aimed at the two men on the desk. He gave her the slightest nod. She had no doubt he'd take the shot. He was the only one she trusted in this situation, including herself.

All of this was clearly on her shoulders. If Mason killed Nathan, Jules would kill Mason. Without Mason, the Pack would be impossible to control. Without an Overboss, the entire park would be up for grabs. Things would go to chaos and the slaves wouldn't make it out alive.

Strange that the first word that popped out of her mouth was "Shaun."

Jules lowered his weapon, a wicked grin on his face. He exited out the side door without a sound. Neither man noticed.

"Who's Shaun, Kitten?" Mason asked, not taking his eyes or body off Nathan. The knife bit into his pale neck, drawing blood.

"Nathan's son." A wave of emotions hit her. She spoke her thoughts as she thought them. "You can't kill Nathan. I don't know where Shaun is. I can't become the only thing he has. I can't watch--no I will not _allow_ you to orphan another child." She didn't know why she said another. "You will keep your hands off my _husband_ until I am sure Shaun doesn't need his father." She didn't think it would work. Hot tears rolled down her face. She felt small, barefoot in an ill-fitting dress.

Mason took a step away from Nathan. "You know I'm the one that shot your dad."

"I do now." Funny how she wasn't mad about it.

Nathan stood and tried to straighten his shirt. Mason stepped aside to let him go to her. "Honey." He pulled her into an embrace. His chest heaved. He smelled of sweat and fear. She couldn't remember ever seeing him this worked up.

She heard Mason's footsteps head for the door. "Just so we're clear, _Mr. Ence_ ," he growled. "As far as I am concerned, Kitten is now the Overboss. She's got more fucking balls than the two of us put together." The entrance door slammed shut behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I imagine The Pack being different than most people write it. But there you have it.
> 
> And look at Deacon, actually doing something Deacon-like! I don't know why but I'm really proud of this one.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is. We're hitting new waters, since everything beyond this point wasn't planned for Reese.

_I called him my husband. I called Nathan my **husband**. In front of fucking **Mason**. And Mason's been keeping my secret to protect me._ Reese nearly crumpled under the realization. _What the fuck have I done?_

Nathan started humming a lullaby as he guided them both to the cool floor and pulled her into his lap. "You were so brave, honey. You saved my life. Thank you."

"I didn't do it for you," she said into his shirt.

"I know. That doesn't make me less grateful." Nathan started making slow circles on her back. "Now shush. It's been a rough morning and you haven't eaten. You might hurt yourself if you aren't careful."

They sat there for at least an hour, Nathan singing softly. Reese wasn't aware of much besides him and his gentle touches. His sweat started smelling stale and his collar turned pink from the blood. Her shaking eventually stopped.

Jules spoke from nearby, false shyness back in place. "Nathan, are either of you hurt?"

"I have a superficial wound to my neck and Reese is having one of her episodes." Nathan gently slid her off his lap and onto the floor. "I would normally consider it a waste but I need a Stimpack. Do you mind?"

Jules rushed to the lobby med kit and came back, Stimpack in hand. He all but skidded onto his knees beside them. "Do you need me to do it?"

Reese huddled further into the suit jacket as she watched Nathan pull his collar aside. Jules mumbled an apology when Nathan winced. The Stimpack worked, creating a scar almost instantly. Nathan gave Jules a tight smile. "Thank you. I hate to ask you to leave again, but we need a shower."

"No biggie." Jules looked over at Reese, sympathy in his too old eyes. "You're not alone, Mrs. Overboss. Don't forget that."

It was subtle, but she caught the double meaning of his words through her haze. She didn't know why he was here, but if no one else was, he considered themselves to be on the same side. She gave him a tight nod, hoping he understood that she understood. A smirk flashed across his features and he was gone.

"Good kid," Nathan said to himself as he stood. He offered her a hand. "Shower?"

Right, he meant for them to shower together. Normally he allowed her privacy to bathe, up in the apartment, and she scrubbed down with near-boiling water. The shower being built was something she'd watched Nathan do but she hadn't used it. The cracked glass stall was nestled into a supply closet. 

Nathan gave her a small smile. "Honey, we're both covered in my blood. We'll waste less water this way. Let me clean you up."

She imagined him dragging her into the shower. He hadn't used physical force in awhile but she knew he could do it. She looked up at him and carefully put her hand in his. He pulled her to her feet easily, then removed his suit coast from her shoulders. He laid it on the desk, then took her hand again.

He didn't undress her or himself until they were shut up in the closet, the shower sitting there like a coffin. He chuckled. "We aren't going to be able to do anything sexual, honey. The water's cold. You might be able to respond but I won't." He reached in and turned it on.

He was right about the water being cold. Reese shivered almost the second he pushed her under the spray. It was over fast, just until the water stopped turning pink. He kissed her as he wrapped a towel around her. "Good girl." He tied one around his waist and they walked back into the lobby.

She expected something, anything, to happen while they crossed to the elevator but nothing did. The lobby was silent, the only signs a struggle happened being the mess around Nathan's desk and the general smell of the Pack. She moved to at least pull the curtains shut. Nathan's hand encircled her wrist. "Not right now, honey. We can clean it up later."

"Okay."

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and then let go. They were both quiet people. she knew that in the weeks he spent grooming her, but the silence that separated them now was different. She didn't know how, didn't know why, but she didn't like it. Nathan pressed the elevator button. 

Normally, she made an effort not to look at him, especially when he was naked, but she searched him now. When she first saw him, she thought he was lean, but she learned quickly that he preferred to hide his physical shape. Naked, he reminded her of a triangle, with broad shoulders that went down to a narrow waist and hips. She had seen plenty of men shirtless, couldn't avoid it on the trail, but he was the only one that removed his chest hair. With the cold water running down him, she almost found him attractive.

He caught her staring. "You can touch me, honey."

When she shook her head, he did something terrifying.

He pulled a lever in the control panel of the elevator and stopped it. The lights went from white to red. "Stop denying our chemistry." Something about the lighting made the cold anger in his eyes look worse.

She looked down at their feet. Her heart thudded in her chest and ears to the point of pain. "No," she said. "I have accepted as much as I can. I'll call myself you wife. I'll raise your son as my own. I'll even carry your children, but I won't fall for you."

"I don't know where this sudden spitfire routine came from, but I don't like it." Nathan crossed his arms. "We're not going anywhere until you admit you're attracted to me."

"Then we're both going to die in here, because I'm not."

"I know how you respond to me, honey." He leaned against the wall, towel slipping further down his hips. "My voice makes you blush. You crave my approval. You come apart under me, willing and wet, despite what you think you want. You want me as much as you need me."

She thought, really thought, for a moment. They slid back into their angry silence while she formulated her reply. "You need me too."

It came out more softly than she expected but Nathan obviously heard her. He raised an eyebrow.

She stood a little straighter. The towel slipped slightly. "You don't know how to handle raiders, that much is obvious. You act like some Pre-War business man. The Blacks may not mind, but the Pack does, never mind that I doubt you'll survive what the Disciples are going to do to you. It's dog eat dog and you're the one wearing fucking Brahmin jerky pants, solider boy."

He seemed amused. "Foul language aside, Reese, I can understand your concern. I haven't spoken much about my plans for the park. Trust me, everything will be fine."

"They won't stop at the goddamn Park. They want the Commonwealth. Do you think you can contain them?"

"Reese, you have stepped out of your place. I suggest you calm down." He straightened, the towel slipping off him. Surprisingly, he didn't have an erection.

"Or fucking what? You've already done everything you could possibly fucking do to me, besides kill me."

It happened fast. He smacked her, hard, and pinned her against the rough carpeted wall. With his knee between her legs and a hand around her neck, he reached with his free hand to reengage the elevator. It jerked back into motion.

They mustn't have been that far from the apartment because he quickly pulled her into it and pushed her onto the sofa. He took the towel off her.

She expected him to take her, but he was still soft. Instead, he poured a glass of water from a can and added the smallest spoonful of Abraxo. "It's not enough to kill you or trigger a miscarriage," he said as he stirred it. "You are going to drink it if I have to force it down your throat. I would have rather turned you over my knee, but you may already be pregnant. You know I do not tolerate back talk or foul language. As much as abhor chems, I'm then going to sedate you with Med X. You will snap out of this mood after a nap. Do you understand?"

The entire right side of her face hurt from the smack but she clenched her jaw shut despite it. He wasn't going to get a reaction for this.

"Reese, I cannot punish you if you don't understand. It will do nothing to correct the behavior. Do you at least understand why I hit you?"

 _You're a fucking coward._ She said nothing.

"Alright, straight to the Med X then." He grabbed the med kit and knelt in front of her. "Give me your arm."

She refused.

He grabbed her wrist with enough force she worried it would break and then stabbed her in the elbow with the syringe.

The affect wasn't quite instant, but she knew the second enough of it hit her blood stream. Her brain fogged and she felt like she floated. Nathan rubbed the spot where he injected her gently. She tried to pull away, to swear, to spit in his face, but her body didn't want to do as she said.

Nathan slowly dressed her in that nightgown as she drifted, then made her lie down. Tucking a blanket around her, he kissed her forehead. "You'll feel better later."

Her body reluctantly fell into a drug induced sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided Nathan was a Dorito™ . Probably because I'm hungry. For Doritos. Not for nearly naked beefcakes. Although I do love me a guy who can pull off an Eisenhower jacket.
> 
> Next chapter I fully intend for Deacon to reveal himself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure but this one might be shorter than usual. I have been having migraines. Like constantly-wearing-sunglasses-little-sounds-are-loud type migraines.

Reese's stomach rolled as soon as she woke. She tried to sit up but bile came up. A bucket appeared under her nose. The hand holding it was familiar but it was not Nathan's. It was Jules. The same hand that helped her figure out how to hold a pencil, pointed to syllables as she struggled to sound out words, taught her basic math, hands belonging to man pretending to be something he wasn't. Why was he here?

"Finally got Charmer to trust me enough to let me be alone with you," he said to the question she didn't ask. "And just in time too. The Brotherhood is going to attack any day now, and the Disciples ambushed him in Dry Gulch. How quickly can you dress?" His voice sounded notably different.

It was all bit much, especially with a post Med X headache. "Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck is Charmer?"

"Charmer is Nate. Who I am doesn't matter. If you stay here, either the Disciples will kill you on purpose, Nate will kill you on accident, or you'll die in childbirth. I know you're probably sick of taking orders, Whisper, but you need to trust me."

"Whisper?"

He smirked and flipped open a switch blade. "Every super secret agent needs a codename, Whisper. Hold still. I'm cutting off that necklace. We need to leave." She spotted two packs sitting nearby.

"Fuck no." She held the ring in her hand, fist balled against her chest. "It was Shaun's mother's and you're not getting near my neck. I'm not going anywhere with you. You spent this entire time lying. That's not exactly trustworthy. And my name is Reese." 

He shook his head. "Did you hear me? You're going to die. Or do you think that bruise on the side of your face is going to be a one-time thing?"

The elevator started up. Reese flinched and Jules pulled a pistol. Nathan came stumbling out, holding a rag to his forehead. "Porter's dead. The Disciples ambushed us before we could rise the flag over Dry Gulch. I need a Stimpack, maybe two. I spotted a Brotherhood vertibird nearby." He grabbed the Med kit and took three Stimpacks out. He quickly stabbed himself in the leg, then the neck. Then he looked at Reese and started removing his Pip Boy. "Are you still mad at me, honey?"

 _Well, mostly, I'm confused,_ she thought. Her head pounded and she still felt sick. She was suddenly quite aware of the fact that her nightgown covered next to nothing. She wrapped the itchy blanket further around her.

"Come on, darling, now is not the time for you to withdraw. I need you and Jules to leave as soon as possible. My Pip Boy will direct you to where I'm keeping Shaun. I'll meet you there as soon as I can." Jules stepped aside, back in character, eyes down. Nathan took his place on the kitchen chair. "Honey, look at me."

She looked at him. He looked scared, his brown eyes wide. "Nathan?"

"I'm sorry." He gently held her chin and injected the last Stimpack. She winced from the pain. "Honey, I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. I'll get back to you as soon as possible." The kiss was gentle, like their first one. He tasted faintly of blood, kept his weight on the chair, guided her head by her chin. He kissed her chest where the ring rested, then pulled away. He quickly put the Pip Boy on her. "I'm going to give you my ballistic weave jacket. It's not much, but it's better than nothing. You're too small for any other armor I have on hand. Jules, do you have armor and a weapon? If not, grab something from downstairs."

"I thought things might be going to hell. Overhead a Disciple talking about something Nisha planned," Jules explained, motioning to the two packs. "One is for you, the other is for her. It's not much."

"You're a good man. I'm now trusting you with both my wife and my son. Don't disappoint me, please." Nathan quickly went to their dresser and pulled out both his jacket and a pair of her jeans, as well as his favorite flannel.

She followed him, not liking the idea of him dressing her in front of Jules. She put the jeans on, foregoing underwear, and threw the flannel over her nightgown, buttoning it up. Nathan helped her with the jacket, zipping it up to her chin and rolling . He kissed her again, the barest brush of his lips against hers.

With the Pip Boy and the jacket, she felt heavy. It didn't help when he slid the 44 Magnum into the jacket's right pocket. "I'm guessing you learned to shoot on the trail, but be careful with that. It has a kick."

She nodded. His assumption was correct but it had been awhile since she'd been allowed near a simple shotgun or pistol. Something like Nathan's Magnum was probably worth it's weight in caps. He helped her into two pairs of socks and boots that were slightly too big.

"You'll be fine. I won't be too far behind you." He put a few boxes of ammo in her pants pockets. "And Jules will be with you the entire way." Nathan's eyes traveled to Jules, turning hard. "Right?" 

"Wouldn't imagine leaving her to wander the wastes, Nathan. We'll be fine."

Nathan gently pushed her toward the door to the back stairs. He unlocked it, then took one of the bags Jules prepared and handed it to her. "Be careful on the stairs. I love you."

She, rather foolishly, initiated their last kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. He lifted her slightly off the ground, then set her down. "Go."

The trek down the stairs made her a little dizzy but at least the apartment wasn't at the top of the structure. Jules grabbed her arm more than once to keep her from stumbling. They exited the building, cool night air assaulting them.

Mason had Jules pinned to side of the building before Reese could even see the larger ginger. "Who's side are you on, pup?"

"Hers," Jules said. "I'm getting her out of here."

Something in Reese's gut told he was lying.

"Kitten, you feel safe traveling with this worthless fucker?" Mason looked at her, his eyes kind. "I don't want you getting shot in back."

"I'm not going to touch her," Jules said through his pinched airway. "She's pregnant, for fucks' sake. I know your rules."

Mason let Jules fall back to the ground. Jules stumbled back to his feet. Mason, careful not to touch her, got close. "Is it true?"

"I don't know but I don't feel good." The vertigo from the stairs hadn't faded yet and the Med X made her sick so she probably looked a little green.

"I'll kill him and raise his children myself if I have to," Mason growled. "Go and don't look back. I'll find you." He slipped into the door to the stairs. 

Jules took her hand and practically pulled toward a break in the break in the park's wall.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the Brotherhood arrives! As well as discovering more levels to Deacon's deception. Because he gets off on the danger of it, probably. Also what the fuck is a timeline and internal consistency! I don't even know!

They ended up at the allegedly haunted house not far from the park. Reese herself didn't believe in ghosts. Jules proudly proclaimed that he cleared the place's security measures himself with no signs of ghosts. Not that she believed him about the first thing, of course. Now that they weren't in Nuka World, he was acting cocky, and talking way too much. He lead her to the only room in the large house with a bed (luckily not one big enough for two) and set his bag down. "This is my rendezvous point with the Brotherhood of Steel. I'm going to need to hide that Pip Boy. They can't find Shaun."

"You're Brotherhood." Nathan hadn't told her much in her two months of captivity about the military organization he used to work with. Everything about this was out of her realm of understanding.

"No, I'm an independent agent. Shaun's not a normal little boy, Reese, and the Brotherhood knows it. They don't like things that aren't normal."

"I don't think the Institute would keep a ghoul kid around."

"I can't tell you more. The less you know the better. Come on, hand it over. You should rest. As much as I want to leave you and get Shaun by myself, desertion is not a good idea."

Reese stared at the heavy device on her wrist. It reminded her instantly of Nathan and her stomach lurched. She remove Nathan's jacket, closed her eyes, and held her arm out. The idea of even touching the thing made everything feel worse.

Jules removed both the Pip Boy and the glove, careful to touch her as little as possible. He stowed it, Nathan's magnum, and the ammo in her pants' pockets in the bottom of his pack. He pulled out his switchblade again. "Sorry about this."

She didn't have the energy to fight him as he cut the leather holding the ring in place. He shoved both through a crack in the board over the window.

A door downstairs opened then slammed, and Reese swore she heard power armor clad footsteps. She flinched. "McMullen, I hope to hell you're alive!"

"Up here, Paladin Rhys, sir!" She watched, half impressed half terrified, as he slipped into another character. His voice altered slightly, he changed the way he carried himself, and then pulled an ugly orange jumpsuit out from under the mattress. He winked at her. "Just changing into uniform!"

She closed her eyes until she heard the zipper come up. Jules pointed at the bed. "Rest. I have to convince them you're important." Then he left her alone in the room.

She sat on it, heart thudding in her chest. Her eyes and stomach protested the sunlight just beginning to stream through the cracks in the boards over the window. She took the pack off, laid down on her side, and held it to her chest. Everything hurt. She could almost hear Nathan's voice telling her to breathe. It didn't help.

"Both Ence and the one your sources say is the leader of some of the degenerates are still at large. I hope you have good news for me, McMullen."

"Unfortunately, sir, I found no clues as to where he's keeping it, but I managed to free Ence's personal slave." Jules said from somewhere on the floor below. "She's upstairs."

"Human or synth?" Reese knew that synths were real thanks to Nathan but to hear the venom in the voice of the Paladin... She shuddered.

"Assuming there are no reports to the contrary, she's human, sir. I don't think synths get pregnant."

"How far along is she?"

"I'd guess about six weeks, sir."

"Field Scribe Haylen, I think that you may be the best person to make first contact. See what you can get out of her."

"She's behind the closed door," Jules said, "Next floor up."

Soft footsteps eventually approached the door, followed by an equally soft knock. "May I come in?"

Reese couldn't speak. Her vocal chords seemed to seal themselves off from the rest of her throat.

The door creaked open. The woman wore what Reese guessed was a uniform, and carried a bag with a large red cross on it. "Hi, my name is Haylen. What's yours?"

Reese just stared from her odd angle lying on the bed and squeezed the bag tighter. She hadn't seen another woman since Nathan took her.

"You're so young." The woman removed her hat and hood and set them down on the floor. "Can you sit up for me? I don't have to touch you but I'd like to give you the once over."

Reese sat up, trying to ground herself with the rough texture of the bag. She swallowed a few times, trying to force words out. All she could hear was Nathan saying "Use your words." She set the bag aside and shuddered.

"That scaring must make it hard to talk. Can you tell me your name, at least?"

Reese shook her head. The idea of anyone calling her anything made her sick.

Jules, McMullen, whomever he was, appeared in the doorway, leaning casually. "Ence never called her by name," he lied. "At least not in front of me."

"We have to call her something, Knight." Haylen stood and looked over at him. "You can only be in here if I am. I don't want to traumatize her further."

"How about we go through some names until she finds one she likes?" Jules remained in the doorway.

And so Haylen and Jules went through names for almost an hour. Reese shook her head for most of them. Everything from Amy to Zoey got tossed around, until finally Haylen said it, "How about Emily?"

The idea of going by her old name appealed to her way more than she cared to admit. She knew she'd never be that girl again but she didn't like much like the idea of being Reese anymore.

Jules must have read her face because he whistled. "That was your name before, wasn't it? Before the raiders got you, I mean."

She nodded slowly.

Haylen smiled. "Well, welcome to freedom, Emily. The Brotherhood will help you adjust as best we can. How about I get you some water? It might settle your stomach." She touched Jules's arm and whispered something in his ear.

Haylen was the only one that came back, carrying a can of water, a few pieces of Brahmin jerky, and a pack of crackers. She shut the door behind her this time. "You feeling up to trying to talk?"

Reese shook her head but took the offered water and took a small sip. She never wanted to talk again, not about Nathan, not about anything. His flannel still smelled like him and it made her feel even worse. She hiccuped and started crying.

Haylen sat on the bed beside her. "If I knew Ence was capable of doing something like this, I would have killed him when I had the chance. I knew he wasn't a good man, but this is a new low. If you're really pregnant and the child is his, we'll take care of you. You're not alone, Emily. I can't promise anything but I'll go through every channel I have."

Reese looked at her, trying to spot the lie, but she couldn't. Maybe it was the tears, maybe it really was genuine. Not knowing ate at her, but it wasn't like she had anywhere else to go. She leaned into Haylen and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I haven't decided if Reese, who might be thinking of herself as Emily in the next few chapters or so, is pregnant or not and if she is whether she's going to stay that way or not. Deacon just really likes lying. She herself doesn't know for certain. I'm willing to write it three different ways and I'd love to hear what you think. If she is/stays pregnant, I've decided the baby would be a girl but I know enough about miscarriage to write or I can just make it one of Deacon's lies.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the last chapter some. I don't necessarily believe characters talk to creators exactly but for whatever reason Deacon pretending to be Irish seemed to fit. I have no idea what I'm doing but that's not new. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Reese eventually fell into a fitful sleep. She really didn't have nightmares, not that she remembered, but one took a hold of her almost instantly. She thought she woke up in Nathan's bed and looked down at her arm. Blue boils started popping up on it, one after another, until her entire arm was covered in them. As they started across her chest, Nathan appeared out of nowhere. He held the Magnum loosely by his side and sat on the edge of the bed. "Honey, I really should put you out of your misery but we have to think of the baby."

Reese looked down at her belly, watching the skin quickly stretching to become perfectly round. She looked around her and spotted her father. He stood nearby, near a campfire, his worn Bible open in his hands. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord," he recited solemnly.

A gun shot cracked through the room, and red spread across his chest. The figure fell forward. Mason, caravaner's shotgun in hand, stood behind him. He gave her a sad smile.

Reese woke from the nightmare with a soft gasp. Sliding onto the floor, she noticed someone had thought to leave her water and an empty bucket. She puked up what remained of the jerky and crackers and tried to sip the water. Then, she did something she hadn't done in years.

She prayed.

She hadn't thought much about God much. She grew up with both her parents blessing meals (usually to the other people on the road's chagrin) and then Nathan did it sometimes. He even casually did it in the mornings or at night. Doing it herself felt weird.

Her thoughts weren't eloquent or even nice, really, just a bunch of anger, guilt, and confusion, directed at one Being she'd been told would be listening. _Look, Jesus, I'm not asking to become a prophet or something showy,_ she thought in conclusion. _But I would really like a sign about what I need to do. Amen._

As she moved to stand, she heard voices whispering on the other side of the door. "I don't care if it's strategically sound or not, Rhys, we're not using Emily as bait," Haylen said. "She's traumatized and possibly pregnant. We don't even have proof Squire Ence is a synth. Sentinel Ence can't even be considered AWOL because he's the Sentinel. We were sent to locate them, not kill them."

"And yet, Knight McMullen called the girl Ence's slave."

"There's really no precedence of this, sir. It's not ideal for anyone, but we have to take her to the Prydwen and have Elder Maxson and the Protectors weigh in. She needs a medical exam, to see if she can't talk or simply won't and to confirm Evan's suspicions."

"Is that your professional opinion, as a medic, Scribe Haylen?"

"Yes, sir, it is."

Reese hated that she couldn't see their faces, see the paladin's reaction to Haylen's defense of her, but instead all she had was silence. She got unsteadily to her feet and promptly crashed back down. It hurt and the noise did nothing to keep her from going unnoticed.

The door opened. "Emily, are you alright?"

Reese stood up, feeling wobbly and turned to face both Haylen and the paladin. She nodded shyly, and then brushed the dust from her knees. Unless he came in while she was sleeping, he hadn't seen her and she hadn't seen him. If she was being honest, he did not look like a nice guy. He scowled. "Is there anything you want to tell me, Outsider?"

The way he said outsider, like it was her name, made her want to get mad but she couldn't bring herself to feel much of anything besides embarrassment. The scars on her neck showed and he looked at her like was disgusting. She tried to look away.

"Sir, you're making her uncomfortable," Haylen said.

"We're not in the business of babying outsiders, Scribe. We either figure out how to get her to tell us what we need or we let her go."

"Permission to speak freely, sir." Jules appeared in the doorway, standing stiffly.

"What is it, McMullen?"

"The Codex, sir, specifically states that the children of Brotherhood members are automatically members, including the unborn and those with one non-Brotherhood parent." Jules' voice sounded different, stiff, formal, with a slight accent (Irish, Reese thought). "We're obligated to help the lass until we can confirm whether or not the babe's his."

Despite the unsettling nature of hearing another voice come out of her teacher, she liked understanding his lie. She refused to believe the possibility that she could be pregnant. Still, her hand found its way to her stomach. Even the idea of it was hard to process. Somehow she was both grateful and offended. She looked at Rhys' face, waiting for the answer.

"How soon can we confirm the fetus' identity, Haylen?" Rhys wouldn't look at Reese directly.

"I don't know much about pre-natal care, sir," Haylen admitted. "We may have the equipment to do it sooner at the Citadel, but if we keep her in the Commonwealth, just after birth. There is the issue--"

Rhys silenced whatever she was going say by lifting a power-armor clad hand. "As soon as we get in contact with the Prydwen, she becomes Cade's problem. Until then, the two of you are in charge of her. She doesn't leave this room." Rhys stalked away, armor squeaking slightly.

As soon as the squeaking descended the stairs, Haylen nearly threw herself at Jules, hugging him. "Thank you, Evan. You might have saved her life."

 _Evan? Just how many names does this guy have?_ Reese watched in surprise as they kissed. Haylen looked away, blushing. Jules said something about following procedure, then whispered something in Haylen's ear Reese couldn't catch.

Haylen looked over at Reese. "Sorry about that, Emily. Things might get harder before they get easier. Are you up to trying to eat?"

Reese shook her head. She looked at Jules, trying to make sense of him, but couldn't. Was he really Knight Evan McMullen, or was this another act? He claimed to be an independent agent, but why would he be in a relationship with Haylen if that was the truth?

"I don't think she likes me much." Jules squeezed Haylen's hand. "I'm going to work on my power armor. Let me know if either of you need something." 

Haylen sighed in a way that made Reese envious and closed the door. Liar or not, Haylen seemed smitten. "Evan's desperate to prove himself. Sorry. Are you comfortable? I know this probably feels like being a prisoner, but you're not. Rhys can't stop you from leaving."

Reese cleared her throat. She didn't know if she could say it. "I--I don't. I mean. I have nowhere to go."

"That's what I was afraid of, but I'm glad you can talk. Men must seem pretty scary. You don't have to tell me anything, but I'm here."

Reese sat on the edge of the bed. Her chest hurt but she forced out as much as the story as she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go. Reese is talking and probably going to slowly slide into being Emily. Like Haylen said, it's kinda a tricky situation. It also doesn't help that Rhys is an ass and the highest ranking officer.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates Fic on Break Because I Can. Don't Have Time To Say More.

Nuka World burned three days later. The smell made it all the way to the mansion. Emily cried when she realized what was happening. The only place she lived with any permanence went up in thick black smoke, taking her time as Reese with it. She watched the fire from the large crack in the boards in her improvised prison. Longing to yell at whichever tin can made the decision to do it gripped her.

The lock Rhys insisted another Brotherhood member install clicked. Jules entered with a tray of food. "The original residents did it. Guessing it was be sure they weren't going to be occupied." The accent meant he was in Evan mode. "The Prydwen is going dock over Bradberton instead."

"Fuck off." She didn't believe him, couldn't. Nothing about him was trustworthy.

"I do really care about Haylen, Whisper," he whispered in the voice that was neither Jules or Evan McMullen. He closed the door. "Hurting her like this is going to hurt me when I have to desert. I don't have much time. I'm leaving before night fall."

"You're getting Shaun without me."

"Yes, and thank you for not revealing my secret."

"You're leaving me with these people."

"I'm not lying about thinking you're pregnant. You'll be safe here, at least until the baby comes. I know that Nate's the only man you've been with. You're considered an officer's wife, especially with your testimony on record."

That was the scariest part of it all. The moment she told Haylen she and Nathan were living as spouses, everything changed. Haylen hadn't been happy about it, but the Brotherhood only granted divorces in extreme cases and without Nathan's personal testimony as well, nothing could be done. She'd been all but inducted into the Brotherhood. Yet another type of slavery.

Emily balled her fists. Everything was going wrong, out of her control. "I should have told Mason to kill you."

"You're not that type of person," he said. "I'll come back to get you and Haylen as soon as possible. Just take care of yourself."

"You can go straight to Hell, whatever-the-fuck-your-name-is."

"You don't have to trust me but would telling you some of the truth help?"

She couldn't read his eyes well enough to get a clear reading of whether not he was being genuine. Despite her misgivings, she nodded. "I'm not going to believe you but I'm not going to fucking stop you."

"The first organization Nate joined was called the Railroad. I recruited him myself. When it was made clear we couldn't get him where he wanted to go so he joined the Brotherhood. He, under orders, killed all of them." Anger flashed in Jules' eyes. "I don't think he knows I survived my injuries but after the attack, he left me with the Ghoul Overseer of some Vault. I had to kill her, hide the remains. I changed my face, joined the Brotherhood. That's when I noticed Shaun wasn't normal. He's supposed to be about twelve, but he's not aging. There were rumors about Nuka World hiding pre-war technology and I volunteered to infiltrate it. I knew Nathan wouldn't be able to resist. I got here a good six months before him. He took Shaun and disappeared a few weeks before he showed up and took you."

Emily crossed her arms. "That's a good story but I don't believe you. You had plenty of chances to kill him if you're out for revenge."

"Oh, I'd love to avenge my family, but I'm here for Shaun. I was going to get the info and run but I saw your thighs the day I met you. The Nate I knew wasn't capable of that and I'm partly responsible for the change. I have to make this right, for you and Shaun."

"What about Haylen?"

Jules sighed. "That's complicated. Love, lust, I don't know. I came to care deeply for her in the year before I was sent to Nuka World. You'd understand if you were older. But I mean it when I say I'm coming back for you both."

"You're not that different from Nathan," she accused. "You just do it with lies instead. She likes Evan, not you."

"I know." He looked sad. "Good luck. Hold on to Haylen. You'll both get out of this just fine if you stick together."

She snorted. "Go away before I decide to scream for Rhys."

Jules opened the door, then left, locking the door behind him.

Emily picked at her food. She wasn't nauseous, just not hungry. She kept reaching for Nora's necklace, forgetting Jules threw it out the window. She found herself missing Nathan's presence, the singing, the gentle touches. Sleeping alone never appealed to her either. She'd always had at least one parent or the slaves. Nathan never let her wake up alone. Now, she was alone.

Or maybe not.

She sat on the floor and stared at her stomach. There was no sign she was pregnant. She had one period in her captivity, near the beginning. They'd never been monthly, just often enough that both her dad and Mackenzie were concerned. Now that concern seemed scarily valid.

"This can't be," she whispered. "Please." She leaned against the board over the window, watching the fire die out in the crack. The last of it died courtesy of a Rad Storm. When it started, a surge of panic hit her. She had no Rad X, and Nathan insisted she take one at the slightest chance of exposure.

It took until the storm passed to remember that Nathan wasn't there. The floor was rougher under her feet than at the apartment. The air felt colder, the place creeper, more abandoned. A lot of places in the Commonwealth felt like this. She'd forgotten how lonely the world could be.

Maybe she needed Nathan after all.

Haylen came in after the storm passed. She opened her mouth to say something else then saw Emily's face. "Oh, honey."

"Don't call me that!" she snapped.

Haylen carefully kept her distance. "Emily, what happened?"

Too ashamed to admit her only thought, Emily shook her head. 

"I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong."

She sunk onto the bed and put her head in her hands. "Why do I miss him?"

Haylen sat down beside her and started rubbing her back. "Because he groomed you. You were relying on him for a lot and now you have to figure out how to make it on your own."

"But how am I going to raise a baby?"

"Evan and I will be here."

Emily shook her head. She didn't have the heart to tell Haylen Jules wouldn't be here in the morning.

Suddenly, there was a near-boom from downstairs. An equally booming voice followed. "Who's in charge here?"

_Mason._


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took me awhile. My husband's job offered him a transfer to California, we had a holiday here in the US, and other things are causing THE STRESStm

Mason looked different. His face paint was gone and his beard seemed to have been burned off. His clothes were replaced, only the necklace that marked him as Alpha still in place. The last three days must have been as brutal for him as they were for her. Seeing a familiar face admit the chaos made her weak.

Emily knew how the Pack's slaves and the subservient members acted around Mason. She ignored Rhys' reaction to her having followed Haylen, ran down the stairs, and dropped to one knee in front of Mason. "Alpha," she whispered, eyes on the floor.

His hand touched her head. He smoothed her hair. "You're alive. Where's Jules?"

"I don't know." She hoped he was long gone.

Mason helped her to her feet and stepped back.

Rhys cut off what he was going to say. "You're supposed to be in your quarters resting, girl. Go back upstairs." He ignored Mason.

Mason turned to him. "That makes you the man in charge. Interesting." Mason studied Rhys, measuring the Paladin up. "My people are scattered and pose no threat to you. I'm here for Emily."

"The girl isn't going anywhere, Degenerate." Rhys seemed to have already made up his mind about Mason. "She is in Brotherhood custody until the situation with Sentinel Ence is concluded."

"Girl? She has a name. I thought you soldier types normally treated women with respect." Mason barely held still, rocking on the balls of his feet. His hand twitched but Emily couldn't figure out if he meant to go for his hunting knife or the brightly painted rifle on his back.

The squadron looked ready to attack. With only Jules missing, Mason was hopelessly outnumbered. One of the others had his weapon pulled already. Mason would likely go down before he could even draw. Emily shook her head, then whispered, "Please, don't do anything stupid."

He looked down at her, not in a condescending way, he was just tall. "They treating you alright?"

"Yes, sir."

" _Both_ of you?"

She looked down at her still-flat stomach. Right, the baby she wasn't even sure she was expecting."We'll be fine, Alpha. They make sure I eat and the water's clean. I don't even feel sick."

Mason looked like he longed to touch her but though she'd spook. "I meant what I said about helping you raise it, and Nate's boy. Just say the word."

She thought about it. Really thought about it. She couldn't let him fight for her, not like this, but could she at least trust him? "Find Jules and you'll find Shaun. I--I'll be safe here. They're well trained."

"Safe ain't happy, Kitten." He looked ready to scoop her up and carry her out of the mansion. "I could make you happy."

 _Not everyone gets a happy ending_. "This isn't about me." She put her hand on her stomach. "You heard me the day you almost killed Nathan. This has _never_ been about me."

"The selflessness is going to get you killed."

It was probably a bad idea to quote scripture but she said the first thing that came to mind. "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth." She gulped. "I have to stay, Alpha. Go, please, before they kill you. I'm sorry, Paladin Rhys, sir, I'll go back to my room now." She all but ran up the old staircase.

Emily didn't know what happened to Mason. She didn't hear gunfire, just the front door slamming shut again. She wondered why she kept saving men who deserved to die, first Nathan, then Jules, and now Mason. Was it a weakness or, like she imagined her father saying, something Jesus would do? She didn't know. All she did was stare at the ceiling, letting her thoughts swirl.

Paladin Rhys appeared not long after the front doors closed. He shut her room's door firmly behind him. Normally, Haylen didn't let the men be alone with Emily. "You may be an Outsider, but I'm glad you aren't Godless. You may have saved at least one Brotherhood life with that stunt, along with your raider friend. Thank you." It sounded like the gratitude was being forcibly pulled from him. "You may now take your meals with us, if you wish."

"Thank you, sir." She sat up, and moved to stand but he made a motion with his hand.

"Your orders are to rest, girl," he all but growled. "You're skin-and-bones and no one wants you to loose the baby. Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes, sir."

"You're pretty. I can see what Ence saw in you. Shame he didn't offer to sponsor your initiation instead. Your loyalty is admirable."

 _Is that a compliment?_ It sounded like one but Emily knew better than to trust it.

"If you can turn that loyalty to the Brotherhood, you will become a valuable member. You may even be trusted to raise your child. I personally look forward to your role in getting rid of Ence." Rhys turned to leave. "We'll be having dinner in an hour." 

Of course it wasn't a compliment. Rhys had something personal against Nathan and her testimony could get Nathan kicked out, if not killed. What was with everyone wanting something from her? Nathan wanted her body and obedience, Mason wanted her future, Jules wanted her to stay put, and the Brotherhood wanted her testimony and the baby.

It wasn't fair.

Distantly, like through a dense fog, she heard someone come inside the building again, words were exchanged but too quiet for her to hear. Then, three sets of footsteps started up the stairs. She got to her feet, awkwardly, just seconds before the door opened.

Haylen entered. The scribe tried to block Emily's view of the people with her but Emily knew that neat dark hair everywhere. "I thought you said I was safe here."

"I'm in cuffs, honey, for an investigation into possible treason. I can't touch you." Rhys had a firm metal-covered hand on Nathan's shoulder. Despite the obvious discomfort, Nathan acted calm. "I asked to see you. I've been told we're going to be parents."

Emily wondered if the adrenaline in her system would be enough for her to pull the board off the window and jump.

"Don't look at me like that, darling. Once this is all straightened out, I'll make up for everything I've done. I know we had a rocky start--"

Rhys squeezed on Nathan's shoulder hard enough he winced. "I've heard enough," the paladin said. "You got your one request. The Prydwen is expected tomorrow morning. Save your smooth talking for Elder Maxson. Scribe Haylen, stay up here with Emily."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did say they were _both_ at large.


	16. Chapter 16

Emily listened as the power armor assisted footsteps of Paladin Rhys faded away down the stairs. Haylen stared at her, as if trying to gauge her reaction. Emily looked away from the pitying, prying gaze. "I trusted you."

"I know but the Brotherhood has procedures. Sentinel Ence turned himself in for investigation, in front of the squad. There was nothing we could do but arrest him."

Emily tried to understand. She couldn't. The Wasteland didn't have procedures. Justice and revenge were taken into the hands of the hurt, not a God forsaken system. Fists bunched, she sat on the floor. She remembered Nathan's pulse under her hand, his steady breathing as she straddled his chest. The way he smiled when he realized she couldn't do it. "I had the chance to kill him, but I couldn't."

Haylen sat beside her, straightening out her uniform. "Emily, you might be one of the last good people in the world. I don't know if I would have survived a day alone with Ence, let months."

"I don't want to talk." Her throat closed up. Hot tears threatened to spill. Nothing about this was right. If laws made people feel like this, the Old World could keep them. She rested her head on her knees.

Haylen wrapped an arm around Emily's shoulders. "He can't hurt you. Elder Maxson isn't the sort of man to let a man like him walk away unpunished. He won't be allowed anywhere near you."

Haylen didn't understand, didn't know. Nathan mastered manipulation, probably back before the bombs fell, and used it to his advantage. If he wanted to get out of trouble and get her back, he damn well would. Even him peacefully turning himself in played into whatever he planned. Emily knew him.

"I wasn't sure how to bring this up," Haylen whispered after several minutes. "There's a way to terminate your pregnancy. It goes against how the Brotherhood normally handles pregnancy but Knight Captain Cade isn't a cruel man. He would be more than willing to pretend it's a normal miscarriage, I'm sure of it."

Emily looked at Haylen in absolute confusion. Terminate meant stop but stopping a pregnancy? The Brotherhood, with their hoard of Old World technology, could end pregnancy just like that? Babies were rare and yet there was a way to make even less likely. Amazing, but also scary.

"You have the choice, either way. No one would imagine taking that choice from you."

 _Do I really?_ "What would happen if someone found out?"

Haylen looked surprised. "What do you mean?"

Mason's voice played her head. _The selflessness will kill you._ She tried to ignore it, pressed it down long enough to force a better wording out. "You basically told me the Brotherhood doesn't let pregnancies stop with a doctor's help. What will happen if they find out?"

"They won't. It's not hard to fake medical records, not if the man doing the procedure is in charge of them."

"You'd lie," she whispered. "For me. I don't even know you or this doctor. If Nathan found out you even suggested this--" Emily shuddered.

"Sentinel Ence will do nothing to either of us. Abortion is not strictly against the Codex."

"I'm not talking about Nathan the Brotherhood solider. I'm talking about _my_ Nathan. He gets what he wants and when he doesn't, things go bad. He wanted me pregnant. He probably wants me to stay pregnant. I don't want to think about what he'd do if I wasn't." She kept her eyes off Haylen, trying not to imagine the woman broken and bleeding nor the faceless Cade, killed so brutally no features could be made out.

Haylen open her mouth to say something but a familiar smooth voice spoke instead. "Honey, whatever you're thinking about, stop it." Nathan had been freed from his handcuffs. "I know this is scary, but I didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. Please, just talk to me, baby."

"You aren't allowed anywhere near her," Haylen replied. "And what are you doing free?"

"I've agreed not to leave the building. Technically, I can't even be held. Now, if you'll please take your leave, Scribe Haylen, I need to speak to Reese alone."

"I told you didn't know him like I did," Emily mumbled. "It's okay. You probably have to do what he says anyway."

"We'll leave the door open, Scribe Haylen. I don't have unsavory intentions toward her. She's my _pregnant_ wife. I know you aren't fond of me. Heaven knows I've earned your disdain, but I'm not a monster."

"Her name is Emily and she told us everything."

"Spousal rape is not prohibited by the Codex." The way he said it, admitting it like he hadn't done anything wrong, made Emily want to puke. Nathan planned for everything, including the Brotherhood finding out about her.

She really should have listened to Mason and left with him. She stared at Nathan. "You were supposed to be getting Shaun."

"I was too late. He was gone." Nathan looked sad. "Dead, I assume. There was too much much blood for a boy his size to survive."

Nathan didn't lie, or at least he claimed not to. Emily tried to read his face but couldn't tell either way. Maybe Jules or Mason beat him to Shaun and faked the death.

Haylen looked hard. "I refuse to pity you, Sentinel. You have my condolences, however. Squire Ence was a bright boy, a natural fit for a Scribe."

"Thank you. That's more than I ever expected from you, more than I deserve. You're dismissed, Scribe." Nathan's face went just as hard as Haylen's.

Haylen looked ready to fight, either Nathan or her own training. She must choose neither because she left the room. The door remained open.

Nathan pulled Emily off the floor and into a hug. She kept her arms at her side. "I'm sorry. I knew you were looking forward to meeting Shaun. And our home is gone too. This is, well, it's a bit much for even me. How are you? It's been a long couple days." He set her down on the bed.

Even though she was sitting upright, she quickly stood, putting distance between Nathan, herself, and the bed. "Don't touch me."

"Alright, honey. I understand. People grieve differently. I thought you might need physical comfort. You usually do." He kept his distance, letting her stand while he sat. "We haven't been apart for this long since I cleared Safari Adventure. I missed you."

Emily missed him too, in her weak moments, but she tried to remember that he wanted her that way. This was part of his game, part of how he worked. That's when she noticed him noticing the ring was gone. He looked sad, surprisingly. "Where is it?"

"I don't know. Jules took it. I didn't want him to, I know it's priceless."

His eyes flashed with anger. "So, I was wrong to trust him. What is he, Brotherhood? I didn't recognize him."

She shook her head and answered Nathan's question on reflex. "He said he knew you before."

"Deacon," he mumbled. The word made no sense to her. "Well, he's once again proved he's smarter than I am. I should have seen it. Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head. Nathan looked more in his element than in Nuka World. His usual suit and dress shoes were replaced with a black version of the Brotherhood jumpsuit. The way he dismissed Haylen, mentioned the Codex and regulations, the Brotherhood was Nathan's element. He said he'd been a member for two years before he left for Nuka World, but judging by his stance, he'd never left the Brotherhood at all.

"You look a little green, honey." His features softened. "Morning sickness wasn't easy on Nora either. Don't worry, it'll be worth it."

Emily doubted it was the baby making her sick. She never expected to see Nathan again but there he was, talking like nothing changed. "I was supposed to be free of you."

"You might be." He sighed, leaning forward with his forearms on his thighs. "It's not in our hands. Elder Maxson is supposed to be here tomorrow. If he feels like it, he'll grant you a divorce. I hope you'll consider staying with me, though. If not for your own sake, for the baby. The Brotherhood has the best medical care available. If you choose to leave me, I'll give you my home in Diamond City and pay for your medical care there. It's the least I can do."

 _You have no idea what the Brotherhood medical care could do for me._ Emily put a hand on her lower belly. "What if I'm not pregnant or I lost the baby?"

"You're not going to loose our baby," Nathan said firmly. "Everything will be fine."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do people survive without caffeine? I've been awake close to 24 hours (lady parts problems + work). Anyway have this chapter I wrote in the walk-in waiting room.
> 
> I really like it. If I don't respond to reviews, I'm sleeping off the pain meds.

Emily watched Nathan clasp his hands together and bow his head. Although she couldn't read his lips, she could tell he was praying. It felt strange, watching him do it, especially as when he started crying. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to look away. She hated him, probably more than she hated anyone else, but that annoying undercurrent of pity wouldn't leave her alone. He lost everything all over again, even if Shaun wasn't dead. It was almost worse if Jules had the boy, assuming Jules was whomever Deacon was. "Nathan."

He looked up, brown eyes blood shot. "Sorry, honey."

"You should drink some water." She grabbed a nearby can and held it out. Damn her mixed feelings.

He chuckled, and took it. Their fingers brushed. "Look at you, taking care of me for once. Thank you."

The slight hiss of the can opening made her jump.

His smile dropped. "Do you think we would have worked if we were different people?"

"You're letting me go." She can't quite believe it.

"There's a strong possibility we won't have a choice but to separate. Although I've never been there, there is much better medical care in the Citadel. I doubt he would view you remaining in the Commonwealth as safe, not with Mason, the dog, determined to find you. If I was Elder Maxson, I'd have you sent to the Citadel as soon as possible. My feelings have to be put aside for the good of you and the baby, and Elder Maxson out ranks me. If you're given the option to leave Brotherhood protection, I won't be able to stop you."

Emily caught the "my feelings". Not "our feelings". Nathan's feelings. This Elder Maxson fellow didn't listen to him, if Nathan's behavior was anything to go by. Nathan was confident, even in cuffs, but facing Maxson scared him. _That takes either a very evil man or a very good man._

As for where the Citadel was, Emily didn't know. She'd heard of and been to most of the Commonwealth. It must be the Brotherhood headquarters. Nathan mentioned that the Brotherhood came from the South, some place who's name was letters. He'd been vague, having not even had the chance to visit it while he was in the Old World army.

Her ears buzzed with quiet as Nathan sipped the water. None of the Brotherhood members bothered them. Emily couldn't be sure, but it almost like she had the power. All because she might be pregnant. Pushing up her shirt, she touched the skin right above her waistband.

"It's a shame I won't get to watch your body change. It's a beautiful process to witness, to know that half of you made someone new."

Emily thought of Nora when she carried Shaun. Emily didn't know what the woman looked like, but Emily's brain didn't want to see Nora. She wanted to see Nathan, before the Wasteland twisted him into this, or maybe a version of Nathan that didn't have the potential to be twisted. Did he look at Nora as more than object? Was there love there?

Emily carefully reached out and touched Nathan's arm. "I hate you, nothing will change that."

"I know. All I can ask is that you don't take it out on the baby." Nathan put his left hand under the one Emily had on her stomach. His wedding band felt cold. "Please."

She stepped back. This could be another ploy, another attempt to get her do what he wanted. "You should go downstairs or up. I need to be alone."

Nathan left, closing the door behind him. The lock didn't click. He didn't hesitate, just stood, sighed, and walked away.

Emily shook her hands out, trying to get the pity to go away. The desperation in Nathan's eyes when he asked her to treat the baby well etched itself onto the back of her eyelids. Nathan lost his control of what his eyes showed when he felt too much. She wondered if the baby's eyes would be the same shade of honey brown. Her brain pulled up a image of baby, wrapped in a ratty blanket, with curly hair like Dad's and big brown eyes like Nathan's. Eyes that would grow up to be loving, not cold, friendly, not controlling..

Then, Emily snorted. There was no way she could raise a baby, Nathan's eyes or not. She'd never lived anywhere permanent, didn't remember much of her life before Mama died, and the only decent-sized settlement nearby was now ashes. Nathan offered his home in Diamond City, but that came with Nathan himself. Knowing that the Brotherhood probably had something to do with how Nathan turned out, handing the baby over to them didn't sit right. Haylen's idea, of letting the Brotherhood doctor "terminate" appealed.

Strangely, Mason joined her day dream, taking the baby from Emily's arms. In her mind's eye, the baby looked even tinier against his large body. He held the imaginary baby gently.

She forced herself out of the daydream with Dad's words. _Knock that off, dizzy dreamer. A suicider could sneak up on you when you get like that._ She couldn't really remember his voice anymore. Strange that he'd only been dead just over a year.

Surprisingly, she opened her eyes to see a girl, maybe a few years younger than her, standing nearby. The girl looked like moonlight. She reached for Emily's stomach.

Emily couldn't decide what do before the girl made contact.

Only the hand didn't make contact. It slid through her stomach like it was made of air.

The girl pulled out her hand and looked at it, confused.

Emily tried to shake the vision away but the girl didn't move. It must have been the ghost everyone talked about. _No. The dead don't know anything. Ghosts aren't real. I'm going crazy._

The ghost girl tilted her head, pointed at Emily's stomach, and then made a motion like rocking a baby.

Emily blinked. A strange whirling sound started overhead and the girl vanished like she was never there. _Well, Jesus, I'm starting to hallucinate. Please tell me that means I'm going to die soon._

Jesus didn't answer. Instead, the voice of the female knight floated up to her. "Sentinel Ence, sir, vertibird incoming. It looks like Elder Maxson decided to go ahead of the Prydwen."

"Knight Penny, is it?" Nathan replied.

"Yes, sir."

"You, Paladin Rhys, and I will go out and meet the vertibird."

Knight Penny replied with a bright affirmative but Paladin Rhys sounded as unpleasant as usual. "The civilian girl upstairs. You don't think she poses a security threat."

"There are two Knights and a Scribe remaining here. I think they can handle my unarmed wife, Rhys. Are you finished questioning my authority?"

Emily remembered that Nathan hadn't locked the door. She gently opened it and stepped onto the landing. Nathan, still dressed in the black jumpsuit, stood toe-toe with the power armor clad Rhys. If it came to blows, Nathan would lose.

Rhys stepped back, but didn't relax. "After you, _sir,_ " he spat.

Emily watched them leave, leaning on the railing. She watched long after the doors closed behind them. One of the Knights, the Sergeant, she thought, invited her down for food, calling her "Mrs. Ence" and "Ma'am" She came down the stairs. The food didn't smell as good as Nathan's cooking, but in some ways that was better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided that Emily is actually pregnant, and everyone is an ass. Well besides the Knight Sergeant. Who needs a name. I think he'll be important later. Another OC!
> 
> Mason will be back, as will Deacon, but next up for canon characters is Maxson, who might not be an ass? I haven't decided yet.
> 
> Jesus I need sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *posts a fic that is fluff*
> 
> *posts this chapter, which is sad*
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Eating a meal with the Brotherhood wasn't even awkward. True, the food tasted disgusting, but it reminded her of lean-times trail food and the slave rations at Nuka World. The Knight Sergeant kept the conversation light, easy, mentioned that it was better than what they ate in some place called the Mojave, and then remembered to introduce himself. "Knight Sergeant Ryan Frohman."

"I'm Emily."

"You seem like a nice kid, Emily. Do you want some advice on dealing with Elder Maxson?"

Emily nodded. Not only did she want it, she needed it. Dealing with someone like Elder Maxson was going to be completely different. She wasn't important enough to meet with someone obviously important. "Please, sir."

"Just call me Ryan, kiddo." He leaned back and put his feet on one of the empty chairs. "First thing, he's got an ego. Young, but he's been trained for his position since he was a kid. Been doing it for six years now. If princes and kings were still a thing, you'd be looking right at one. He's got the ego to match. As long as he doesn't have reason to believe you aren't human and you respect him, he's compassionate. He cares about people. Doesn't know what to do about that care sometimes but he does."

"Thank you." Her brain took a second to soak up his words. Most of it seemed pretty simple. Be nice and he'll be nice. Yet, something wasn't sitting right. "What do you mean by not being human?"

"You don't have to worry about that," Ryan replied. "You're obviously not a ghoul and all our intel points to you not being a synth."

Okay, she'd heard the bit about synths not being human before. She could understand that. People had to be born from a womb for God to know them, but ghouls? Ghouls were some of the fairest traders out there. Miss Daisy in Goodneighbor came to mind.

The other Knight looked sympathetic. "All ghouls turn feral eventually, ma'am. It's hard to swallow at first, especially if you know some, but trust us. They're all monsters."

Funny, from where she was sitting, the only monster she'd ever known was human. She looked over at Haylen, who gave her a tight smile. Looked like the Brotherhood definition of 'not-human' made her uncomfortable too. "Okay," Emily said. "Thank you for your advice, sir."

Footsteps came from outside and the gate creaked open. The Knights and Haylen were on their feet within seconds.

The man leading the small group carried himself a lot like Nathan did, entitled, fully aware of just how much power he held, but, unlike Nathan, nothing about it was fake. Nathan walked to one side, back a few steps, Rhys on the other. Another man replaced Knight Penny, older, head shaved bald. He carried a medical bag. Must be Knight Captain Cade.

The man in the front, Elder Maxson, didn't bother to turn to the men behind him when he spoke. "Ence, take a walk, Rhys go with him. Work it out."

Emily watched as the two men regarded each other with contempt but followed the order. Elder Maxson looked around the room, eyes settling on Haylen. "Is the young woman you mentioned in your radio report still on the premises?"

Ryan stepped slightly to the side.

"Hello, Miss?" He obviously expected her to say her last name.

"It's Mrs. Mrs. Ence," she whispered.

His eyes, blue, showed some confusion. "Clearly there is something I am missing here. Why don't we take this conversation somewhere private?"

They stayed on the ground floor, in a room that must have been a kitchen at some point. Knight Captain Cade came with them. "Is it okay if I close the door? Some of the questions we have might be uncomfortable."

She nodded and watched Cade close the door. Elder Maxson offered her a seat before taking one himself. "Are you Sentinel Ence's wife or slave?"

"Both, kinda, sir." She felt like her throat was going to close up. "It's complicated."

"Did you consent to anything your relationship involved?" Cade asked. "It's important that we understand what's going here."

She remembered the nights on the patio, both their "wedding" and the first time she said she didn't want it. She kept her eyes on her lap. "No, sir. He was always gentle but--no."

She saw Elder Maxson's fist bunch. "How many times?" It sounded like he was asking himself instead of her.

Emily didn't stop the answer or her little sob. "54, sir. He had me for 65 days."

Knight Captain Cade set is medical bag on a nearby table. "Pardon the personal questions but what was your sexual history before your captivity?"

Emily wasn't sure what he was asking at first but when it hit her, she didn't want to answer. She shook her head. Her stomach rolled.

Maxson barked an order at Cade about finding something for her to puke in. As Cade left, leaving the door open, he spoke to her. "You aren't married to him, not in eyes of the Brotherhood."

"But I'm having his baby," she whispered. Saying it out loud made her heart hurt. 

Cade placed a large cooking pot by her feet after closing the door again. "Elder Maxson, I do not feel comfortable doing an examination of this nature here. It's sensitive."

Elder Maxson looked at the doctor with serious eyes. "You intend to abort the fetus."

"Scribe Haylen requested I offer the possibility but she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't wish to consent to. We could let her leave now if she wished."

"Is that what you want, Miss?" Elder Maxson asked.

"Kristofferson," Emily whispered. She hadn't used or heard her last name in years. Everyone usually called her dad Reese.

"Well, Miss Kristofferson, what can the Brotherhood do for you? I can spare a few men to escort you somewhere safe."

"I don't have anywhere to go." She considered going to Goodneighbor but she doubted that the Brotherhood would care for that. She knew Miss Daisy and knew of the Mayor but they were both ghouls. It probably wouldn't go over well if she asked. 

"This does not leave this room." Elder Maxson looked at Knight Captain Cade. "I know what's it's like to be forced into something you don't want. If you don't wish for the Brotherhood or Ence to be involved in you or your child's life, we won't be. Now, are you certain you have nowhere to go?"

No harm in asking, then. "My dad had a contact in Goodneighbor. She might take me in or be able to get me out of the Commonwealth."

"Goodneighbor isn't the best place to raise a child."

There was a firm knock on the door.

"State your name and business." Elder Maxson said.

"Haylen. I'd like to tender my resignation."

"Enter." Elder Maxson sighed, as if he was expecting it.

Haylen entered the room, wearing civilian clothes and holding a small pile of paperwork. She looked serious and sad.

"Are you certain, Haylen?" Elder Maxson asked. "Once you hand me those papers, there's no return."

She held them out. "I can't live knowing the Brotherhood can't touch Ence for this without keeping her locked up for months."

Elder Maxson took the paperwork. "I'll be ordering a small plainclothes escort to Goodneighbor for Miss Kristofferson. You are welcome to join her. I would appreciate knowing a capable medical professional is looking after her."

Haylen looked surprised. "You're letting her ago?"

"I am."

"But Ence--"

"The Sentinel and I will have a conversation as soon as Miss Kristofferson is safely in Goodneighbor. I've proven I can control him before and I will do so now. If you're not going with Miss Kristofferson, please leave. This is Brotherhood-held territory." Elder Maxson looked sad too.

"I'll go with Emily, Elder." Haylen tried to smile. "If you don't mind, Emily?"

Emily forced out a soft, "It's fine."

There was something deeper in Elder Maxson's eyes. Emily wasn't a betting person but if she was, she'd bet the Elder had feelings for Haylen. "Steel be with you, Haylen."

"Goodbye, Elder."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There! It's 5 AM here. No one can say I'm neglecting the original (and most popular) Emily. Enjoy my first attempt at writing Hancock.

Goodneighbor bustled with activity. Their escort had to leave them gate, something about Brotherhood members not being allowed in the town. Emily tightened her grip on her pack, unsure of what to do next. Daisy ran the supplies store here but Emily herself hadn't ever actually been inside the town. Dad thought it was a godless place. Haylen looked just as unsure. Emily had given the older woman Nathan's 44 and the ammo before they boarded the vertibird. Emily was definitely agreed that this wasn't the place to raise a baby. She put her hand on her stomach and looked around.

A ghoul in a ridiculous outfit approached them. Haylen tightened her grip on the 44 but the ghoul just smiled. "You sisters in trouble?" The ghoul looked her up and down and surprisingly focused on her face. "I'll be fucked sideways. You're that damn preacher-trader's kid. I'd know those eyes anywhere. Whatever happened to him?"

Haylen spoke up. "Please, keep your voice down. We're trying to lie low."

The ghoul, which Emily figured must have been the mayor, noticed where Emily's hand was resting. "I see." Ghoul faces were hard to read with their all black eyes and bits of skin missing but she was pretty sure he looked close to feral. "Someone need dealt with? One of my people?"

"I don't so." Emily shook her head. "His name is Nathan."

"Ence," the ghoul spat. "Trust me, that monster of a man isn't welcome here. You're safe. Come with me, we'll settle you into the Statehouse. Mayor John Hancock at your service." He nodded toward a human woman standing nearby. "That's Fahrenheit."

Emily and Haylen followed Mayor Hancock toward what Emily guessed was the town hall and and his home. "Are you sure it's safe here?" Haylen whispered.

"You don't have to stay with me if you don't want to," Emily replied.

"You're not the only one with nowhere else to go."

Emily felt a pang in her chest. Haylen left the Brotherhood because of her, right. She'd forgotten. "You didn't have to do that, you know. You could have stayed."

"It was a long time coming," Haylen assured. "Plus you need someone with medical training in case something goes wrong."

Emily nodded as Mayor Hancock held the door. "After you, sisters."

"We aren't related, Mr. Hancock," Haylen said. "We're just traveling together."

"I call everyone that, Sunshine." Mayor Hancock poured himself a drink and then offered one to each of them.

Emily took the glass, careful not to touch Hancock's hand. Lifting it to her nose, she sniffed. She'd never had alcohol before. Maybe it would help settle her nerves.

Haylen yanked the glass from her hand. "Don't! It could hurt the baby!"

Emily was officially in over her head. She had no idea pregnant women couldn't drink. She stared at the dark liquid in Haylen's hand, confused. "It will?"

"Yes. Alcohol, cigarettes, chems, radiation, all of it causes complications for both you and the baby. You have to be extra careful."

Mayor Hancock looked dejected. "Looks like you won't be having much fun while you're here. Tell me, how'd you manage to get knocked up by the 'Sole Survivor'?"

Emily was getting sick of talking about it. All she did was pull the collar of her aside to show the scaring from her collar. "I'm from Nuka World."

Mayor Hancock was the first person she'd seen who didn't recoil from the scar. "I hate that fucker same as anyone else around here, but this low, even for that bigoted scum. Tell me you killed him, slow."

"We can't touch him," Haylen said. "We wouldn't be on the run if he was dead."

"Those tin can Brotherhood fuckers."

Emily looked carefully at Haylen, expecting the woman to bristle at the insult. Instead, Haylen looked tired. If someone had insulted, say trading as profession, like that Emily'd be up in arms. Emily put a hand on Haylen's shoulder. "You okay, Haylen?"

"I should be asking you that, Emily. I'm the medic."

Mayor Hancock smiled--or at least it was probably a smile. "Medic, huh? I have a suggestion. People here might be looking for a cheaper doctor than the one working out of the Memory Den. You seem like you at least have better bedside manner. You could set up shop."

"We weren't planning on staying long, Mr. Mayor, sir," Emily explained. She learned not to trust 'suggestions'. "We were hoping to join a caravan heading out of the Commonwealth."

"No caravan in their right mind is taking a girl with scars like yours, especially not a pregnant one. You're probably worth your weight in caps to Ence. Even with them not knowing who you belonged to, you'd get sold back into slavery pretty quickly. Babies don't get born into slavery often."

Haylen sat on the nearby sofa. "Does no one have compassion?"

"I'm showing you plenty of compassion." Mayor Hancock put a hand again his chest, as if he was hurt.

A suspicion settled into Emily's stomach. She snorted. "If I didn't belong to someone you hate, would have you helped us? I've heard about this place."

"Emily!" Haylen looked shocked.

"No, I get it," Mayor Hancock said. "Ence uses kindness to get what he wants. I'm guessing that's how he got her. Don't blame her for not trusting me. I ain't exactly trustworthy anyway. You don't have to stay here, just offering beds and some advice. I even like the idea of having a screaming baby around."

What was with everyone _besides_ her wanting the baby? She turned red. Something about how Mayor Hancock pointed the reason for her behavior reminded her of Nathan. "I guess we should be thanking you then, sir. I apologize for being paranoid."

Mayor Hancock whistled. "He had you trained up, didn't he? It's just Hancock. The beds are on the top floor. We can talk options later."

Haylen downed the drink in her hand and coughed. Emily adjusted her pack again. She became aware of a dull ache in her feet and lower legs. Unheard for her, she hoped it wasn't a sign something was wrong. Haylen saw her wince as they started up the stairs. "My feet hurt, just a little."

"You're retaining fluid," Haylen explained matter-of-factly. "Some of it is the baby's blood. You should rest, put your feet up."

"Oh." They picked rooms right next to each other. Emily tossed her bag on the bed and then sat. She tried to remove her boots but they felt tight. Not even removing the laces helped them come off. She gave up and decided to lie down with them still on.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to drink coffee to force myself to finish this. I hate coffee but I was out of Red Bull. The conflict has gone from external (Nathan/how to escape) to internal (holy fuck what am gonna do with a baby) and I have no idea when/how I'm going to bring Mason, Deacon, and Synth Shaun back in. Also I've only experienced the early stages of pregnancy but there's no way in hell I can handle writing a miscarriage.
> 
> Part of me wants to give up but a lot of you are invested. So invested you're telling other people. Someone give me ideas before I just give up altogether.

Emily woke up in the middle of the night, aware that the room was smaller than Nathan's Nuka World apartment but not much else. It took a moment to realize where she was and she only remembered clearly when she saw the unlaced boots on her feet. Goodneighbor, the one place Nathan wasn't allowed. Safe. Well, as safe as possible outside a Vault. She rubbed her neck. Not the most comfortable bed in the Commonwealth, but it beat a bedroll on the trail. She walked over to Haylen's room. The woman laid on her stomach, drooling.

"She decided to drink herself into a stupor," Mayor Hancock called from downstairs. "Something about a tin can named Evan. Come on down, if you want. I don't bite."

Emily walked carefully down the stairs. Mayor Hancock sat on one of the sofas, an empty Jet inhaler hanging from one hand. Emily sat on the other one, too nervous to relax. She rubbed her neck again.

"Uncomfortable?"

"Slept wrong, sir," she admitted, turning her head until her neck cracked. "I got used to sharing a bed. Hard to get comfortable now."

"Want my help? I don't mind sharing a bed with a pretty girl."

Emily turned hot. She was all for ghouls being people but sharing a bed with anybody didn't appeal. "I don't think I'm ready to share a bed with anybody else yet, but thank you for offering."

"Can I help you with your boots, then, Sunshine?" He got up and then sat on the opposite end of the sofa. He patted his lap.

Emily shook her head, somehow turning redder. "No thank you, sir. And I--I don't like pet names."

"Fucking hell, just how deep were you with him?"

Emily considered standing up and moving to the other the sofa. The atmosphere in the room felt off somehow. "I don't know what you mean."

"We have a former lover in common. No harm in shooting the shit."

"He wasn't my lover." Understanding hit Emily slowly, making her feel sick. Nathan and Mayor Hancock were _involved_. Her brain screamed a mixture of scripture, and Dad's voice. How could that be? She thought Christians didn't do that. _I didn't even know ghouls could have sex,_ she thought, somewhat detached.

Mayor Hancock laughed, not a chuckle, a full laugh. "Oh, I figured he wouldn't have told you. The Brotherhood doesn't like ghoulfuckers."

Emily stared at Mayor Hancock. Of all the things she learned about Nathan, this was one she was not expecting. She probably looked like an idiot. Hell, she _felt_ like an idiot.

Mayor Hancock leaned back, one arm over the back of the sofa, as if this was a perfectly normal conversation to have. "He still doesn't like 'strong language', does he?"

"No. Why did he--um--?" How did she even ask the question in her head. "Or did you?"

"He left me," Hancock said. "After we killed the fucker who killed his wife, we ended up back here. Your dad was in town. Nathan remembered Jesus and the next thing I knew he had a house in Diamond City and an ugly orange jumpsuit. Not that I blame your dad. Nathan's always been quietly unhinged."

"First wife." Emily pulled her knees up to her chin. Hearing about Nathan from someone who knew him long before she came along hurt. She knew he didn't spring out of the ground a fully grown monster but it was weird.

Hancock didn't mention Emily's correction but reached over and squeezed her knee. "I'd offer something to make you feel better but something tells me your medic friend would kill me."

Emily tried to laugh at the image of Haylen screaming at Hancock for giving her chems but it came out through tears. Funny, she didn't remember it starting. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

Hancock held his arms open. "Need a hug? You won't get any funny business from me."

"Sure." She crawled into his waiting embrace.

Mayor Hancock definitely felt different from Nathan. He was almost too warm. His skin felt different from the radiation, even through her shirt. Not to mention lean instead of big. He rubbed her back, making soothing noises that reminded her of Cram's rattletrap purr. She'd almost forgotten the kitten. She hope it escaped the fire. Mayor Hancock didn't use words but it comforted her anyway.

With strength she didn't expect from someone his size, he moved them both so their legs were stretched out and her back was on his chest. Panic rose in her chest, remembering the first night with Nathan. She scrambled off Hancock, chest hurting. She heaved. Vomit splashed on her shoes.

Hancock rose slowly, side-stepped the vomit puddle, and grabbed some rags. He mopped up the mess. "Was that the baby or a bad memory?"

"Bad memory."

"And I thought he fucked me over good." Hancock stood and threw the rags in a small trash bin. "He didn't save you from slavery, you were his slave."

"I already said I belong to him," she mumbled.

"You don't belong to anybody, Sunshine. I misunderstood. Do you want to eat something? The Third Rail has good food."

"I don't have caps but thank you for offering, sir. I have some basic stuff in my pack." She looked up the stairs. "I'm going back to bed." She stood and stretched.

"Sure you don't want a warm body?"

"Thank you, sir, but I'm fine." She wasn't fine but Mayor Hancock didn't call out her obvious lie. She went back upstairs, then managed to wrestle out of her boots. She set them on seat of the chair she hung Nathan's jacket off.

Rubbing her feet until the pain stopped took until she tired. Using her pack as a pillow she laid on her side.

Sleep eluded her. Although it was probably just her imagination, it felt like she could feel the baby in there. "Your daddy's an asshole, little one," she said even though the baby couldn't hear her. "Who used to sleep with junky ghouls. You got a brother too, assuming he's still alive. I don't think he's big enough to be an ass. And there's me. I'm not ready sure I'm ready to be a Momma but we'll figure something out, since it's just us two now."

Of course the baby didn't do anything. They didn't start kicking until they got bigger.

"If Nathan was here, he'd probably already be singing you lullabies. I think that's the only thing I like about him, his voice. He doesn't love me, but I bet he loves you already." She sighed. "At least one of us does. Mostly, I'm scared of you."

She took a few deep breaths. Talking to a baby who probably didn't have ears yet. She'd definitely lost her mind at some point. "I have a friend who said he'd take care of you but I don't think he'll find us. His name is Mason. You'd probably like having him for a daddy instead of either of us."

No reaction again. Just the sadness in her own heart.

"The Bible says that God knows us before we're even in our mom's belly. God knows you but He isn't exactly telling me what to do. Maybe I should have let that Brotherhood doctor make me be not pregnant. I don't even know if you're supposed to be here. You could turn out like the two brothers I never met and not live long. A few months doesn't seem like a long time anymore."

The night remained silent. Emily eventually fell back asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this takes place 2 years after the fall of the Institute.

Emily woke up when she heard Haylen groan from the next room. Emily stared at the ceiling for a good twenty minutes before her bladder made it's presence known. Pulling open the door, she was greeted by Haylen. The other woman held her head but smiled. "Never fall in love with an infiltration specialist."

"Um, okay?" The opening to talk about the Jules/Evan mystery was there but Emily couldn't bring herself to say anything.

"How are you feeling?" Haylen's eyes were bloodshot. Her expression reminded Emily of someone who just wanted to be in bed. Emily could relate.

"I'm okay. How are you?"

"Mayor Hancock invited us to the Third Rail for breakfast. I wanted to say no but you need to eat and free food is free food." The blatant ignoring of her question worried Emily.

Emily herself wasn't hungry. The idea of going out, her face still half-bruised, made her buzz like Nuka Cola. She shook her head, crossing her arms. "Not hungry."

"Emily, you need--"

She doesn't know where the surge of anger comes from but it cuts off Haylen's words. "I have spent the last two months having Nathan telling me what I need."

"You're pregnant. Even you're not hungry, the baby needs nutrients." Haylen stepped back into her room and pulled out a large packet of pills from her bag. "These are from Cade. They're pre-natal micronutrients. If you really can't eat, at least take one of these. They're supposed to last you the entire pregnancy."

Emily doesn't calm down. In fact, staring at the large bag of pills reminds her all too much of Nathan's daily Rad X treatments. She tried to take the bag but her hand shook. The bag spilled. The scattering noise made one of the guards run up the stairs. He helped Haylen pick up the pills. "Hancock wants to know if you're ready to go."

Nathan called them her "episodes", when she'd try to withdrawal, when her voice would turn off, her hands would shake, and her chest would start to hurt. The urge to step back into the bedroom and slam the door was so strong, she froze.

"Emily?" Haylen whispered.

Emily watched one of the missed pills roll down the stairs instead of replying. The world seemed to narrow to that pill going plink, plink, plink down the stairs. It disappeared, the plinking continuing out of her line of sight.

"Oh." Haylen spoke softly. "It might be good for you to get out and about. You don't have to eat but you should come with us. You're safe here."

Emily didn't look up until the plinking stopped. She looked up and saw Hancock on the landing below, holding the little pill in his hand. He smiled, burned skin pulled tight around his mouth. "I thought you weren't allowed the fun stuff, sisters."

"They're micronutrients, designed to keep women in the same position as Emily healthy. They were a parting gift from the Brotherhood."

"Better than laser burn." Hancock nearly ran up the stairs and put the pill in the bag. "Assuming they're what the tin cans say they are."

"They are. Knight Captain Cade, and everyone in the Brotherhood, takes pregnancy seriously. They're safe. You can take one if you'd like."

"You first."

Haylen swallowed one of the large pills dry, like it was nothing. After a few seconds, Mayor Hancock took one as well. He grimaced. "There are definitely more fun pills to swallow. They don't even taste good."

"They're meant to be healthy, not harmful." Haylen took out one last pill out and returned the large bag to her room. "You don't have to, Emily, but they'll keep you and the baby healthy."

"Um." Emily took the pill in her hand. "Let me grab Nathan's jacket. I'm going to need water."

The sad recognition in Hancock's eyes at the sight of the worn leather jacket told Emily lots. He may have used a light tone when he talked about his relationship with Nathan, but there was hurt beneath the anger. He reached out and patted the arm. "That's a good jacket. Looks better on you."

She knew he was lying. Too wide in shoulders, too long in the sleeves, it made her feel like a kid playing dress up, not like a pregnant twenty-one year old on the run from her husband. She took a deep breath. It still smelled like Nathan. "Thank you."

The trio headed out into the streets. Emily thought it would be less busy, it seemed like the kind of place to be more busy at night. Instead, people still milled about. Some of them looked high, drunk, hungover and generally unwell. Others were obviously drifters or single-man junk trading operations, there to trade. The smell of Nathan left her nostrils, the sink of booze and unwashed bodies replacing it. It made her stomach roll.

Haylen seemed unbothered. Mayor Hancock squeezed Emily's shoulder to get her attention. "Breathe through your mouth, little sister. You'll get used to it."

She nodded once, and changed her breathing method. Hancock's hand left her shoulder and they kept walking, heading for the old subway station. Emily walked down the cool stairs, only just realizing she forgot the boots. She looked down at her feet. Was it just her, or were they wider? Nathan told her her body would change, but she didn't imagine it would start this early, or with her feet.

Mayor Hancock got a water from the Mr. Handy operating the bar and handed it to Emily. With ease she could blame on Nathan filling her Rad-X, she swallowed the micronutrient tablet and sat down. Then, she sipped the water, hoping her stomach would calm. She folded one of her aching feet into her lap and rubbed it absentmindedly. Haylen walked over to bar, trying to figure out which meal options were healthiest. Hancock sat down opposite her. "Feet hurt?"

Emily set the water glass down and put her foot back on the floor. "A little."

He bent over slightly, looking at them. "Can I help?"

Emily tried to imagine his thin, burn-covered hands on her bare feet and couldn't. Nathan's hands, while rough from gun use and two years of Wasteland life, were smooth in comparison. She shook her head at the offer. "Thank you for the offer, sir, but I'll survive."

Haylen returned, carefully balancing two plates of food on one arm and a bowl of noodles in the opposite hand. She set the noodles in front of Emily and the plates near Mayor Hancock. "Thank you for your kindness, Mayor Hancock. I don't think we'll ever be able to repay you."

"It's what Goodneighbor's about. For the people, by people. Anyone's welcome and we help each other out." Mayor Hancock stabbed his food.

Emily stared at the bowl of noodles. She knew she should eat, the baby needed her to eat, but nothing sounded good. She thought she was supposed to get cravings, not the opposite. As she twirled a noodle absentmindedly on her fork, she spotted a man walking down the stairs into the bar. She knew what a Minuteman uniform looked like, knew that they'd been growing since about three months before Colter took over Nuka World, but she'd never been in Minuteman allied territory.

The young man removed his hat as he approached their table. "Mayor Hancock."

Mayor Hancock got to his feet, a wide grin on his face. He pulled the man into a hug. "MacCready. Dang, that General turned you into something else."

"You bet your Jet he did." The man was blonde, four years older than Emily probably. He turned to the two women. "Captain RJ MacCready, Commonwealth Minutemen."

Haylen spoke for both of them. She choose her words carefully. "I'm Haylen, this is Emily. We're _refugees_ from the Nuka World area."

"I'm here about Nuka World. We're visiting the larger settlements looking for information. Can I?" He nodded toward the chair Hancock left behind to go to the bar.

Emily nodded as Haylen said yes.

Hancock returned, a bottle of whiskey and three glasses in hand. He pulled up a fourth chair. When he set a glass in front of MacCready, the other man shook his head. "I quit drinking."

Hancock laughed. "Mac, you're kidding."

"Duncan asked me to, plus even if I did, I wouldn't. I'm here on Minuteman business."

Hancock whistled. "That General Danse must be something else."

Haylen turned pale. "Peter Danse? He's alive? He allegedly committed suicide two years ago."

"I don't know his first name, but he did try to off himself. Doesn't try to hide it. Has a nasty scar." MacCready leaned forward casually and took some of the food off Mayor Hancock's plate. "You know him?"

"I used to," Haylen said. "Everyone in the Brotherhood thinks he's dead. How did he survive?"

"I don't know the details but I owe the General my son's life. He's a hard a--nose but a good man. Now about Nuka World?"

Haylen looked at Emily. Emily looked around the room. It felt like everyone's eyes were on her, even though the other diners weren't looking at her.

Hancock stood and took Emily's cooling bowl of noodles. "Let's take this to the VIP Room."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danse was supposed to be dead, death by suicide during Blind Betrayal, but then I saw some amazing art and screen captures and whoops! Suddenly the Minutemen are involved! And a grown-up sober MacCready. Because Danse is a hard ass.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Still trying to figure out what happens leading up to the return of Mason and Deacon

Mayor Hancock steered them all to the VIP room and shut the double doors. As soon as Emily was seated, he handed her the noodles and a fork. Although he didn't order her to eat, the suggestion was in his face. She started eating mechanically.

"This place brings back memories." MacCready waited to sit until Haylen was seated beside Emily. He turned a chair backwards and leaned against the back. "What happened in Nuka World?"

"Nathan Ence happened," Haylen said. "The foul evil radroach of a man. There were rumors of pre-war tech under the park. He was supposed to investigate, along with someone who had already infiltrated the park, but he took it over instead. After a few months of no contact, my squad was sent to follow up. The park was on the edge of chaos. Emily knows more." 

Emily awkwardly swallowed a bite of noodle. "The power structure in the park was different. I was just a slave." She used one hand to pull aside the collar of the jacket. "Nathan took over two months ago. Things were calm at first but the Disciples didn't like how he was running things. The same night the Brotherhood showed up, the Disciples tried to kill Nathan."

"You said there was another Brotherhood member there. Who?"

Emily's throat went dry. How long could she keep the secret of whatever the fuck his name was?

"Knight Evan McMullen, Infiltration Specialist. Danse doesn't know him. He joined after the main force left the Commonwealth."

Emily set her bowl on the ground, far enough enough away from everyone's feet that it wouldn't get spilled. "His name isn't Evan. I--I should have told someone sooner. Nathan called him Deacon. I think he's from the Railroad."

"Fuck." MacCready reached into his pocket for a lighter and a cigarette. "Never thought I'd hear that name again."

Hancock swiped the cigarette from MacCready's hand. "Can't do that around this one," he said, pointing at Emily with his elbow.

"Why?" MacCready asked. "Are you sick?"

Emily shook her head. Her hand went to her lower stomach. She didn't mind that she couldn't smoke, it wasn't a habit she had, but the idea that Haylen would stop others from doing it made her uneasy. "It's okay. I don't mind." 

MacCready made the connection. "Hancock, a pregnant girl, in Goodneighbor? I knew you were crazy but this is a new level."

Mayor Hancock crossed his arms. "I'd normally try to get her into Diamond City but it's Nathan's baby."

MacCready's eyes focused on Emily's neck with an intensity that made her squirm. "I'll kill him."

"Get in line," Haylen said. "Emily, what did you mean by Evan being a Railroad agent?"

Emily took a deep breath and tried to the truth, or at least as much of it as she knew, including that Whatever-the-Fuck-His-Name-Is being after Shaun and having Nathan's Pip Boy. "All he left was the gun. I don't know where he went. I only pray he was the one who got to Shaun instead of something else."

Haylen looked ready to cry. "Excuse me, I need some air." She stood and rushed out of the room.

Guilt hit Emily again, and she felt her eyes water. "I'm sorry. I didn't know when to bring it up."

"Are you sure this guy is Deacon?"

"Nathan said he was Deacon. I knew him as Jules. The Brotherhood called him Evan. I don't know who he is or even if we can trust him but if Shaun is alive, he has him. He promised to find Haylen and me if we stuck together." Emily looked in the direction Haylen had left. She wondered if Haylen would bother to stick around now that the secret was out.

"Knowing Deacon, he either won't show up, or he'll show up when we least expect it," MacCready said. "Is there anything else we need to know, Emily?"

"There's Mason but he might be gone. He claimed he wanted to help me raise this thing." Emily shrugged. "I don't think he'll turn up either. If he does, you'll know who he is. Big guy, ginger hair. He's a Nuka World raider, or was. Park's gone."

"Why is a fu--fricking raider interested in you and your baby?"

"Mason protected me while I was a slave, before Nathan. I don't know why he cared so much but he did."

"You think he's dead."

Emily sighed. "The Wasteland isn't a place for blind hope. I don't have a reason to believe he's dead, but I don't think he's going to help me."

MacCready stood and placed his chair back against the wall. "I should report this. General may want to talk to your friend, since she was Brotherhood. We'll let you know over the radio if that needs to happen."

"I'll keep a radio at the Statehouse tuned in to the Minutemen frequency. As much as I hate the goody-two-shoes types, I want the Brotherhood tramping around the Commonwealth even less." Hancock adjusted his hat, then his belt. "Sure you don't want a drink before you leave, brother?"

"Can't. Duncan wanted his dad to clean up his act so that's what I'm doing."

Emily stared at this young guy, surprised. "You have a son?"

"Yeah, he's five. A bit of a handful, to be honest. Everyone at the Castle helps. If it's ever not safe for you here, I doubt General Danse would mind making up a room."

"Rather the offer come from the man himself, MacCready," Hancock said. "But I know you have a soft spot for kids. We'll hit you up if we need anything."

.

"I still don't like the idea of a pregnant woman or baby in Goodneighbor," MacCready grumbled. "I helped deliver Duncan and a couple of other babies. There's a couple of folks from out west trying to set up a system to deliver messages, Graham and Boone. Mention that it's for me, and you should be able to get it to me pretty fast when the time comes."

"You, a midwife?" Hancock snorted.

"Don't sound so surprised. You gotta do what you gotta do. Like you said, I have a soft spot for kids. Most of the doctors don't know how to deliver babies. See around." MacCready left them, heading for the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, while trying to write this chapter: *searches "male wives"*
> 
> The Hubs: Why are you googling _male_ midwives?It's not for our little Valentine, is it?
> 
> Me: We're not naming the baby Valentine. And No. It's for my writing.
> 
> And that my friends is how I got Mr. Edwins to finally read my work. He likes it.


	23. Chapter 23

Life went on after the visit from Captain MacCready. Haylen set up a pay-what-you-can clinic in an abandoned storefront and preferred to sleep there. Emily understood. Guilt about keeping the Jules/Evan/Deacon a secret ate at her but she didn't know how to apologize or talk about it. Giving Haylen space made the most sense. Even if that space lasted for four months.

All Emily did was grow. She expected only her belly to grow, but so did her chest. She'd count it as a small blessing, if they only didn't ache. MacCready stopped by to see how she was going twice, and bottlecaps came by way of a blonde guy named Seth Graham every week. Once he and his surly brother-in-law, Boone, were even asked to deliver a rocking cradle. "Used to be Carly's, then Mordecai's," Seth explained. "Captain MacCready saved Cai and Sariah's lives. Least we can do."

She longed to send it back with a note that she didn't want the charity but it she'd need it. It looked like her small room in the Statehouse was about to get even more cramped and she still had about half way to go.

The worst part of it all was that she was rarely alone. If it wasn't Hancock and his body guard, it was a member of the Neighborhood Watch. Someone always stood watch near her room too. Having someone constantly on the other side of the door bothered her. The frustration from it all made her lash out.

"I can't do this, Hancock!" she yelled one morning when he asked her how she was doing.

"Can't do what, Sunshine?"

"This!" She angrily gestured at the cradle by Hancock's desk. It never ended up in her room. She sunk onto one of couches. "I'm just sitting around relying on other people's charity while waiting to pop out this thing I'm not even sure I want! I don't have space to think. No one's even told me about what's going on with the Brotherhood, like I'm fragile! It's barely any better than living with Nathan!"

"You're talking like you're trapped here." Hancock made a motion with his hand and his body guard stepped out. "Do you want to leave?"

Emily didn't know. Part of her wanted to escape but she could barely bring herself to move most days. Maybe if she wasn't pregnant, she could survive on her own. As unsure as she was about the baby, she had to think of it first. She shrugged. The fight blew out of her as quickly as it came. "I have to think of the baby."

Hancock carefully touched her shoulder. "You know, I wasn't going to bring it up, but I think MacCready's getting attached. That courier is here every week."

"He's been giving me caps. I haven't used any. Keep meaning to send them back but I'm no good at writing." If MacCready was attached to the baby, that wouldn't bode well. Too many people had a stake in it's life. If MacCready was getting attached to _her_ , that was even worse. She wasn't ready for a relationship. She rubbed her hand on her bump nervously.

"Want me to tell him to knock it off?"

Emily shook her head and kept rubbing her stomach. "It's okay. It's kinda nice, knowing that so many people care about this little thing. Just overwhelmed, I guess." The baby chose that exact moment to move. She winced in surprise. The baby moving always shocked her. It could be unsettling, remembering that it was already alive. She didn't know if it was a boy or a girl or even what she was going to call it. She lifted her shirt and rubbed the skin.

"He kick?" Hancock asked, squatting. "Can I?"

"We don't know if it's a boy, but yeah, it moved. MacCready said his book calls it quickening." She looked down at Hancock's burned hand nodded. Not very many people touched her anymore. "Go ahead."

The baby moved again, pressing against the ghoul's hand. Hancock's rough peeling skin felt almost as strange as the baby moving. "I told Nathan his kid could call me Uncle John. Same goes for this one. If he's anything like you, he won't be a problem, huh, buddy? Quiet."

"Just your luck, Hancock, and it'll be a girl, especially since you keep acting like it's going to be a boy." Emily tried to smile. This seemed almost normal. Just two folks talking about raising a baby, friendly teasing. "A loud little girl that gets into everything she shouldn't."

"I think this is the first time I've seen you smile, Sunshine. It's pretty." Someone knocked on the door. Hancock stepped back and stood. "What is it?"

The door opened and one of the Neighborhood Watchmen entered. "Morning, Hancock, Miss Emily. We got a situation at Haylen's clinic. Couple of guys and a boy. Hasn't gone to shit yet but it's getting there. One of 'em's fucking big."

Hancock sighed. "Alright. Guess duty calls. You going to be alright here by yourself, Sunshine?"

Emily took a few seconds to take in the Watchman's words. "Two men, and a boy." It couldn't be. It had been _months_. "Does the big guy have red--no, not red--orange hair?"

"Yeah, now that you mention it, he does. The other one too. Kid's hair is darker, but definitely red."

Emily tried not to let her heart rise. "It must be Mason, Jules, and Shaun. Mason and Jules were both ginger. I'm coming with you."

"I don't think that's a good idea, sister. Deacon is unpredictable and dangerous."

"Mason respects me. I'm the only person who's seen the other guy for any length of time. I don't think either one of them will hurt me. I'll stand between you and Miss Fahrenheit if that makes you feel better but I'm going."


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if both my quality and my quantity go down. It turns out pregnancy turns me into a super moody pile of sadness. Or possibly home sickness. Or that fact that my husband is commuting a lot. Or all of the above. I'm just sad.

Emily kept her promise and walked between Hancock and Fahrenheit, at least until she heard Mason's voice. She couldn't decide whether to stop or run, so all she did was move to stand beside Hancock. He threw out his arm to keep her from going any further. "What's going on here, Doc?"

Haylen and Jules were locked in a quiet but heated argument. Either seemed to have noticed the arrival of "You lied, Evan. Nothing you did the last four months will change that."

Jules spoke in the voice that wasn't Jules or Evan. "If you would let me explain."

Emily was distracted from the argument by Mason and the little boy standing behind him. Shaun looked like his father, with a strong jaw and the start of wide shoulders. His eyes were wider than Nathan's and bright green. He looked right at Emily and looked confused. "Are you Emily?"

Emily nodded.

"I thought Dad lied." The boy stepped toward. "You look exactly he described."

Mason turned and his face lit up. "Kitten, my little pet. You look great. Actually have some meat on your bones, and is that little bump what I think it is?"

She nodded. "Jules was right."

Mason beamed. "You look beautiful pregnant. Is our cub alright?"

"MacCready says probably. It's hard to tell." Emily didn't miss Mason's use of our but chose to ignore it, at least for the moment. "The Neighborhood watch fears this is going to turn violent. Can you do something to break it up, please?"

"Anything for you, pet." He leaned down and brushed his lips against her hair. One hand reached for her hip.

She stepped back, not quite behind Hancock, but enough to let Mason know it wasn't okay. "I don't like nicknames. It's Emily."

"Emily." He sounded disappointed. She wondered, briefly, if he thought his offer to take care of Shaun and the baby extended to taking care of her too. That was the last thing she wanted. She had enough of men "looking after her." Mason would just have to deal with single parenthood if he wanted her baby. If romance was his intention, her intention was to give birth, nurse for as long as she could emotionally handle, and then leave.

Mason stepped closer to the arguing couple and put his hand on the guy's shoulder. "Josh, knock it off. If the woman doesn't want to forgive you, she ain't going to forgive you. Nothing's worse than a pissed off female."

"Josh?" Emily and Haylen said in unison.

"Who the fuck are you, really?" Haylen continued.

"Josh is my real name. Josh Anderton. I was born in 2241 on a farm near University Point."

"There is no way you're almost fifty." Haylen held up her hand to stop whatever he was going to say next. "You're a pathological liar. I don't want to hear it and I wouldn't believe it anyway. Get whatever supplies you came for from someone else. I have people to help."

"We didn't come here for supplies. We came here for you and Emily. We've heard of a safe place but it took us awhile to find you. I'm surprised Goodneighbor managed to keep you safe this long."

"I'm not in any danger and I'm staying. If Emily wants to leave, she can. She's been getting stir crazy anyway. Now, you're all blocking any potential patients from getting in. Please leave."

Jules'--no, Josh's--face fell. "Okay but if you want, we're going to a place south of the Capital Wasteland. It's run by guy called Lone. Ask around Megaton and Tenpenny and should be able to find someone who knows someone."

Haylen didn't acknowledge the offer. She simply started moving around her waiting room, ignoring them all.

Josh sighed. "Alright, we better get going. We weren't planning on staying long anyway."

Mason adjusted his pack. "Emily, I ain't going to force you, but I want you to come with us. It's not going to be an easy journey, with you carrying the cub, but you'll be alright."

Shaun looked at her. His eyes were wide, eager. "I know my dad isn't nice but Alpha and Josh are great. They can keep us safe. They're so much better than the stuffy old Brotherhood."

She looked at Mason again. He was still wearing that damned bone necklace. "Shaun, do you know why they call Mason Alpha?"

Shaun shook his head.

"Because he used to lead a group of people called The Pack. They were almost like a family, if raiders can have that. I know your dad isn't nice, I was married to him, but Mason isn't nice either."

"But he's nice to me. He doesn't hit me or yell at me like Dad did."

Mason looked at her, his face unreadable. "You know I would never hurt you or the cubs."

"I don't doubt that." Emily remembered that day in the lobby. "But I know you hurt others, kept slaves, forced them to fight animals, shocked them. I worked with MacKenzie. I know what you've done. How do I know you won't take over we're going and turn into another Pack?"

Jules/Josh said. "I know the guy who runs this settlement. Used to be Railroad. We called him Lone, I think his real name is Tyler. Doesn't like any type of slavery, doesn't allow it. He's been a Regulator for ten years, set up the settlement about four years ago."

Emily headed back toward the Statehouse. "You swear this place is safe?"

"Only way there is by steamboat or 'bird. Safe as can be."

"Nathan has access to vertibirds. He's a Brotherhood Sentinel." Emily looked at Shaun, who suddenly looked pretty scared. "But there's all sorts of ways to take down vertibirds. Mini nukes, rocket launchers. As long as we're going by boat, everything should be fine. How far away from here is this place?" Emily started into the Statehouse.

"Should take us about two months to get there, assuming Nadine and her boat hasn't left without us. Where are your things?"

"Top floor." Emily didn't really like the idea of walking up the stairs again so she took the offer.

Josh headed up the stairs instead of her, to grab her things.

It left her, Mason, and Shaun on the main floor. Mason crossed his arms. "The way you were talking, I wasn't expecting you to say yes."

"I'm not going for you, Mason. I'm going for Shaun."

"Every cub needs a mama. I get it. You're still recovering from what Nate did to ya. Can't expect you to accept me just yet. I'm a patient man."

Emily couldn't think of anything to say in reply before Jules/Josh came bounded down the stairs, her pack placed carefully over his. He held out Nathan's jacket. "To the Duchess Gambit and then on to Point Lookout!"

Emily wasn't sure where Point Lookout was but she suspected that was the reason they were going there.


End file.
